Mother's Day Weekend 2013

Saturday morning, Kal and I went to the Celebrate Adoption Walk that is put on by Families Supporting Adoption every year. We released balloons in honor of Kal's birthmom K and new expectant mom D.

It was way too hot and sunny and Kal got grumpy, but I got to meet an amazing birth mother who placed a baby 14 years ago and got to know her and her story a little bit. She was so fun and we exchanged numbers to get together for lunch sometime.

I also got to see our caseworker from Kal's adoption and catch up with her. She said she knew we'd get picked fast, but to not tell other hopeful adoptive parents how quickly it actually happened for us. It's a sensitive subject. I hope my fellow adoptive parent friends don't feel any negativity towards us for getting chosen fairly quickly - that would break my heart. I hope we're all cheering each other on, not thinking it's a competition... because it's really not. And I can't really say with 100% certainty that this situation will work out in our favor anyway... we shall see.

Our current caseworker was there as well and we talked and went over all the details we knew up to this point about how this adoption situation is supposedly going to play out. One bizarre turn of events is that Louisiana's LDS Family Services doesn't actually keep a full adoption staff, so this will actually end up being a private adoption where lawyers will step in near the end of the process in place of caseworkers. Interesting. I think their office in Louisiana just doesn't handle as many adoptions as in other states, so they facilitate them when they come up and pass them off to a lawyer, but they don't keep a staff of adoption-specific caseworkers. I'm slightly confused about how it will work, but so far it seems like the caseworkers involved will be doing the majority of the prep work anyway, so we won't be left hanging without knowing how to finalize things. We may not have to pay the agency's placement fee though... so, we'll see if it ends up being a less expensive process! That would be amazing. Plus, I found out Zay's job will reimburse a chunk of the adoption expenses as well, so this could potentially go really smoothly for us financially... with all the benefits of going through LDS Family Services as our agency. What a blessing that would be!!

After the adoption walk, Kal and I came home. I put him down for a nap and then had one hair appointment to do. Then I woke Kal up with an excited, "Let's go get Daddy from work!" and we picked Zay up and headed to a friend's BBQ. Our buddy Cam is leaving soon to serve a mission for the LDS Church, so we definitely needed to party! Kal had a blast with Cam's sisters and the other little kids there. He even got over his fear of trampolines! We shot basketball and ate way too much food and talked for a few hours. It was nice. :) There are a few families who have kind of taken us under their wing (as we've been in Utah without family for so long), and this is one of them. They're great. :)

At the BBQ, Zay had me open my Mother's Day gift... an awesome new camera and lens! With Baby #2 coming, I'm definitely gonna use this!! Ha ha.

Sunday was a beautiful day. We got up for Church and I sang in the choir! We did a very pretty arrangement of "The Morning Breaks." I love singing alto and I love being part of a choir. It takes me back to my high school days and reminds me of my silly childhood dream of being a professional singer. It's a dorky church choir (ha ha), but in my head I'm a superstar for a second! Lol!

Okay, so that just reminded me of a funny story. When I was graduating from BYU and I was standing in line to receive my diploma at the ceremonies, I suddenly got very nervous and was afraid to walk across the stage, afraid I'd fall or pass out or something. So I took a few deep breaths and told myself to pretend that I was performing on American Idol and that this was my big break. Lol. So I held my head high and smiled really big, walked across that stage, and pretended everyone was cheering for me. And I didn't fall and I had the biggest grin on my face when I accepted that diploma. Ha ha ha. I'm such a dork!

We left Church early after they passed out huge Symphony chocolate bars to all the ladies for Mother's Day. Then we hustled over to our friends' baby blessings! Kim & Curtis were having their triplets blessed on Mother's Day and I just thought that was beyond beautiful. I tried not to cry hearing the blessings of those sweet little miracles. They are so healthy and strong to be born at not-quite 33 weeks. I asked Kim could she imagine if someone had told her last Mother's Day that she'd have 3 babies in a year? She'd have thought they were out of their minds! Pre-baby Mother's Days can be hard, I know. They had a luncheon after Church where we got to meet more of their family. It was great. :)

Then we headed over to the park that we take pictures at every Mother's Day. It was too exciting of a day for Kal, so he wasn't smiley in the pictures and just wanted to get home and nap. But that's okay, we went straight home afterwards to get him to bed. I'm loving taking pictures with him each year and seeing how much he has grown. Hopefully next year I'll have two little knuckleheads to pose with!

Kal's Superman pose. Getting ready to fly...

Take off!

"Too Hurt to Stay": Book Review

"Too Hurt to Stay" by Casey Watson

For a couple years now I've been researching foster care as an option for our family in the future.

I believe in the work that needs to be done. I see the need in a world where families are crumbling and children aren't always parented, disciplined, loved, and shown attention like they should be. They don't ask to be here and are sometimes dragged through the mess that is their parents' lives just because they were unlucky enough to be born into a less than desirable situation.

Looking forward, I think it will be quite awhile before we are in a position to become foster parents, but in the meantime I'm glad that it's a seed planted in our hearts for later on. It's something we will come back to when the time is right - when we own a home with sufficient space, when we're done with school and traveling, when we've had more parenting experience under our belts, etc.

I've read everything I can get my hands on about adoption and foster care. Recently I was given a copy of the book "Too Hurt to Stay" by Casey Watson, a novel based on the author and her husband's experiences as specialist foster care givers (they provide a home for extreme cases and guide the children through a behavioral program to get them back on the right course). It. was. heartbreaking. My "mother heart" is much more sensitive when it comes to children nowadays, and this true story touched on some really scary subjects when it comes to the neglect and abuse of children. I cried.

First, I want to note that stories like these could really turn someone off to fostering. Horror stories are the ones people hear about and why many people would never even consider fostering children. Because foster kids are troubled, bad, terrible, disturbed, evil, or whatever, right? Not exactly. This book is about extreme cases that the couple specifically signed up for. And although horror stories happen, in general the problem is not the children - the problem is the grown-ups the children are being raised by. The bad choices of adults get children put in foster care, not the other way around - not the bad choices of children. Children only know what they're taught.

That being said, the book did a great job of touching on many topics that would come up while fostering a child. It gave an insider's perspective - all the ins and outs of social workers and psychologists and so on. It takes an army of people to give these kids what they need, because they don't come from adequate families. Family is so important!

I loved how excited and nervous Casey and her husband Mike were for little Spencer to come into their home - how they were planning to take a little break from fostering, but couldn't turn down a placement when they got the call. Even with what they'd seen so far in fostering, they had it in their heart to love these little ones. It takes a special kind of love to foster, I think. And you have to have a resilience and a patience that is beyond me right now.

Eight-year-old Spencer's case was quite interesting, to say the least. He's really what gave the book its suspense. There was an underlying debate in the story about whether or not a child could be born unstable. Nature vs Nurture. I was on edge the whole time, nervous for this poor child who had no idea what it was like to be loved or cared for, and whose future looked grim.

It was interesting to realize that you can't know what goes on behind closed doors a lot of the time. And kids really do learn from what they see you do. They don't just copy you, they learn things that get rooted deep in them based on how you behave. For example, if you lie or hide things from people, they could learn that manipulative behavior gives them control over their surroundings. In foster care, you don't know where this child is coming from and what they've already learned - good and bad. You just have to love them and know that you may never know what was actually going on at home. I loved that even the worst of Casey and Mike's foster care placements still "got under their skin" in a good way. You can't help but love a child when you know all they've felt is hurt up to that point. And when they inevitably leave your home, it's going to be bittersweet.

The book has a little foul language in it. A few outbursts that punctuated the intensity of the situation. Plus it's written in "British English," so some of the expressions I had to use context clues to figure out what they meant. I actually had a Mrs. Doubtfire voice going in my head as I read it at first (ha ha), but after the first chapter or so it kind of melted away and I got accustomed to it.

When I got to the end, I realized Casey Watson (who writes under a pseudonym, I'm sure to protect the identities of the people she writes about) had also written a few books prior to "Too Hurt to Stay," all about previous placements that she actually mentions in this book. And she's still writing more. Now I have to go back and read those too! Foster care stories are full of drama, so it only makes sense that these make great books. I'm glad she has taken the time to write her experiences as stories that we can learn from.

You can visit the author's website here: www.caseywatson.co.uk

Or follow along on her Facebook or Twitter pages.

Mother's Day Then & Now

So, I went back and read my previous blogs about Mother's Day and it was interesting to see how it has evolved for me. First I was sad and angry but in super-research mode as we were trying to get through adoption paperwork, then in shock as I was a brand new mom and didn't have the words to express how I was feeling, then super happy after I quit my job and became a stay-at-home mom after a year of working sooo far away from my son.

Now... this Mother's Day... I'm tired. Lol. But still super happy. Actually, much much happier. :)

Mother's Day at the park

Stay-at-home mom'ing it has been quite the experience. It took some time to build up my confidence in it, to know that I was doing my best to teach Kal everything he needs to know and hit every milestone and give him enriching experiences, etc. I stretched myself too thin for awhile, scaled back and simplified, and then I finally hit my groove.

Things have been going pretty dang well for awhile now. I've gone back and forth in my mind, wondering if working outside the home is still something I want to do, but little by little I'm starting to think staying home is going to be a long-term decision. We've got a nice little routine most days that we keep flexible in case something fun, different, or new comes up. Then we throw the routine out the window and do whatever until things settle down again and we get back to routine. Things are just too fun right now and I don't want to mess it up by tying myself down to a job. Can't believe I'd ever think that way, but I'm starting to!

Why would I want to spend 8 hours a day away from this fella??

Over time as a stay-at-home mom, I've learned to focus on my strengths and allow Zay to balance me out with the things I'm not that great at. Women beat themselves up all the time about what they can't do perfectly, but I have decided... let it be known... I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not gonna beat myself up about not being able to be perfect in every single area of life. Once that thought clicked in my mind and I said out loud that I'VE DECIDED, suddenly the perfectionist in me gave way and a new woman was born - a woman who can suddenly do lots of things pretty dang good because she's not caught up on doing everything one-at-a-time and perfectly. Or not doing things at all because she's too insecure to start. SCREW THAT. Life is too short.

I do get tired. There are so many things I want to do and allocating my time is trickier than it used to be. But mostly my tiredness comes from forgetting to take "me time" regularly. When I'm extra tired or feeling anxious, normally it's because I have (again) forgotten to take some time for myself and have been giving, giving, giving and not recharging my batteries ("story of my life" for most moms out there, huh?).

One way I make sure that I get "me time" is that I schedule it, put it on the calendar, tell Zay I'm gonna be gone, and then I take off. Ha ha. This year, I've been doing things that I used to love, but have let fall to the side over the years - reading (joined a book club), sports (get together with some girls to play basketball and volleyball), singing (joined our church choir).

I'm also serving in the church women's organization as the secretary (I like organizing things, so I think I'm gonna be good at it). And I'm in the beginning stages of starting a small business with my best friend, so I get to hang out with her sometimes all day and put all my good business sense to use! I am feeling very fulfilled right now. :) The old me would be overwhelmed, the new me is learning to balance and sacrifice and prioritize and forget about what other people are doing and JUST DO ME. :)

My business partner and friend. She's nuts. :)

Infertility feels like a thing of the past. Not a concern at all. I feel like it made me a better mother than I would have been otherwise, it helped me find a passion in adopting, and it is just something I don't think about anymore. Boom, gone. Just like that. Good riddance. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything anymore. I have vicariously had many, many babies through all my awesome friends and their amazing birth stories. Lol. I have officially moved on and Mother's Day means something completely different to me now.

Life is good, yall!

Kal's Going to be a Big Brother!

I can't tell you how much it melts my heart to think of my little Kal-El having a little baby brother to fawn over. Cute overload. Heart can't handle it!

I hope he's protective, rather than jealous. When I ask him if he wants a baby, he enthusiastically nods his head "yes." And I've begun pointing out babies to him so that he really understands what he's saying "yes" to, ha ha. He gets fascinated. I think he thinks a baby will be a new toy for him, kind of like the cats or his toy robot - but better. He's gonna be a great big brother. :)

Zay's had a few serious talks with him about how we are planning to bring a baby home soon.

A friend brought her brand new 2-week-old baby over and I told Kal to be "soft and gentle and nice," because that's what I tell him when he is petting the cat too hard and he'll listen to me and try to be softer. So he whacked the baby softly on the head once and was so proud of himself for petting the baby well. Ha ha ha.

Suddenly, I feel like I have newborn amnesia - I can't remember hardly anything about having a newborn. It's like nature has wiped that from my brain, erased all the memories of stress and lack of sleep, so that I'm tricked into wanting a baby again. Heh, Mother Nature knows what she's doing!

 
I'm wondering if it all comes back to me when I hold a newborn again? Will I be more of "a natural" this time around, because I've done it once before?

Kal was so teeny tiny - aww! - looking at newborn pictures of him is just so crazy to me. He's changed so much.

This is gonna be a new crazy chapter in our lives. And technically there's a lot of time left for it to not work out, BUT that's not gonna stop me for celebrating a new baby's arrival anyway. :)

We Are the Chosen Ones... :D

So, I didn't scare D off with all my questions. Ha ha. In fact, when we finally did get her response, she began talking as if she had already chosen us to be the parents of her child. And I thought, hmmmmm.... should I be reading into that? Because the whole time I'd been saying "take your time, no pressure, if you decide to parent it's okay" kind of stuff. And the last thing we heard was that she'd been trying to decide between two families. But she never mentioned any other families and she seemed like she had already made up her mind.

I wasn't sure and I didn't want to beat around the bush about it, so I just asked! And she said she'd love for us to be the parents!

Ahhhhhhh!

But wait! Geez, she hasn't even met us yet. This happened waaaay too fast. Last time, there was a lot of build up and talking to a few expectant moms before one situation worked out. We flew to Georgia and met Kal's birthmom before she picked us. We ate at Cracker Barrel and met her family and everything. Lol. This was just way, way, way too fast. Omg. How am I supposed to feel right now?

I thanked her profusely and began talking a little bit about the hospital experience and how she'd like things to go. I was excited, but she told me she wanted the adoption "as closed as possible" and my heart cried. :( That's a post for another day.

Zay was at work, so I texted him:

"100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock": Lipstick on the Bathroom Mirror

Continuing the list of "100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock"...

Next up on the list is "Write his name in lipstick on the bathroom mirror."

I took this to mean that I needed to clean my bathroom too. Lol. Nothing is as unsexy as a dirty bathroom, no matter how much lipstick you smear on the mirror. :P

So, I scrubbed the whole bathroom squeaky clean from top to bottom... and then left him a little message - kissed it and everything! (didn't put his name, though):

He thought it was super cute, but he didn't even notice it at first! Ha ha. He came home from work and ran to the bathroom. And I was like, "You like my note?" And he said, "What note? Oh, I didn't see anything. I had to pee." What a dork. :P

"I Loooove Schoolboys"

First, let me explain that quote. Because I'm laughing right now and I can barely type! A "schoolboy" is a type of haircut. Years ago... back before we were married, one of Zay's neighbors was over (probably waiting for a haircut) and a bunch of folks were talking about haircuts that they like. And this neighbor friend said, "I loooove schoolboys." It sounded so wrong. Like how a girl would say she loves chocolate - eyes closed and everything. And we just cracked up! We'll never let him live that one down!

K, so Zay's been cutting hair for as long as I've known him. It's just a talent he's practiced and made perfect (although he'd never say he's perfect at it) and it has never left him. He cuts family's hair for free and brings his clippers on vacation with him. He cuts hair almost every day of the week, late into the night some nights. He seeks out well-known barbers and calls them up and asks them how he could do better. That's just the kind of person he is.

But speaking of schoolboys! Zay's been tackling school lately and I am so beyond proud of him. :D He has always regretted not going to college right after high school, but it's never too late to start of course. He wants to show our kids that education is important and he wants to be able to provide for us with a job that doesn't require cutting hair every day for the rest of his life! He's majoring in Social Work and he's been writing papers and leaving the house with his backpack on... that is just SO ADORABLE. I love it! Makes me so happy. He aced his classes this semester. Awww, yeah baby! Got me a college man. :)

Hypothetically Speaking...

My heart & soul right here. :)

We heard back from our caseworker that she had finally touched base with D's caseworker. She confirmed all the details we already knew. It was nice to hear, though. Nope, not a scammer. Yep, she's really liking us as a potential adoptive family.

Then we waited some more.

I knew D had a lot of stuff going on in her life and that making a decision about who will raise your child is probably one of the most difficult decisions you could make. So I didn't panic about not getting a response to my email just yet. There was plenty of time and as much as I'd like to say Pick Me! Pick Me! It really isn't my place to even think I know enough about her or her situation to try and make her decisions for her. I didn't know how far she'd gotten with decision-making. I didn't know if she was setting a timeline for herself to decide or if she would need to meet us first or whatever. Didn't have a clue.

Then we got a call from our caseworker saying D was trying to decide between us and one other family and she'd get back to us when she knew more. I felt eerily calm with that information. There really wasn't a rush. July seems so far away in adoption terms. She has plenty of decision-making time ahead of her if she wants it. And she knows what she's looking for in a family. If it's us, it's us. If it's not, it was for the best. Part of going into adoption is having to know that your future is pretty much out of your hands. There's a peace that comes with that when you learn to let go.

Hypothetically speaking, if it worked out... that is absolutely AWESOME! Another newborn baby boy? Yes, please! A trip to Louisiana? Yes, please! Another beautiful birth mom to claim as family? Yes, please! A little brother for Kal? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. I will love the heck outta that little boy. Ha ha ha. And Zay wants enough sons to start a basketball team!

My calmness confused me at first, though. I thought maybe I was being prepared for the eventual "she chose another family" phone call I was starting to think was sure to come. It's really hard to know. I thought maybe that's why she wasn't answering my email. I asked too many detailed questions, I scared her away. I don't know. Maybe I'm just learning to deal with the stress of adoption better.

If it didn't work out... it's okay. Our 9th wedding anniversary is in July, so let's plan a big vacation get-away and go somewhere we've never been!!! Zay and I stayed up late one night, talking about the what-ifs and making potential plans. Take Kal to the beach for the first time, relax in the sun and read as many books as I want, eat great food, spend hours and hours of free time talking and laughing with the hubby? Yes, please! Also, it never works out the first time, right? How lucky would we be? Seriously. I'm sure the other family she's considering is amazing. And our child will come to us soon, I just know it. We need a vacation, so either way we'll have something to look forward to in July. Best idea ever. :)

We've Made Contact!

We've heard from a real live expectant mom, yall! Not a scammer. Ha ha ha.

I'll call her "D." She emailed us last week. I read it and my first reaction was, "No way." I had convinced myself that we'd wait a little longer... maybe hear something by the end of the summer. I read it probably ten times over before I even tried to respond. Had to make sure it really did sound legit.

Then I just felt... excitement!!!!!!!!!!!! BABY BOY!!!! AHHHHHHH!

Then nervousness. Oh my friggin heck. Baby is due in July - are we ready?

And then an explosion of questions ran through my head: Is she really gonna choose us? Should I get my hopes up? Does she want to meet us first? How many families has she contacted? How sure is she about an adoption plan? How is her decision-making going up to this point? Does she have a timeline for herself about choosing a family? Why is she choosing adoption? What would she like as far as future contact with the adoptive family (more open or closed)? What did she like about us in particular?

I spent all day emailing back and forth with her after that first email. It sounded very, very promising. Zay was at work. And he protects himself from getting his heart involved in anything that is unsure, so I didn't tell him at first. I knew he wouldn't want me to. I wanted to see how long I could hold out... and see how much info about the situation I could get before I told him anything.

Then I felt... sadness. I don't know why, but it always surprises me to hear each story about how someone ended up pregnant and on the road to adoption. Seriously, the stories are never the same. And my heart breaks every time. But the girl behind the story is always so strong. We all make choices that we regret, but not everyone has to wear theirs so publicly with a huge pregnant belly.

I forwarded all the emails to my caseworker and made sure D was set up with a caseworker herself with LDS Family Services in Louisiana where she'll be having the baby. As legit as the situation sounded, I wanted to make sure our caseworkers could talk first before I got my hopes up too much. I wanted our caseworker to verify everything first.

I casually mentioned to Zay that I'd talked to a girl about adoption. He acted all distant like he does, but then he wanted me to read all her emails to him and I did. We spoke in hypotheticals for the rest of that night. :)

The weekend came and it felt like it was going excruciatingly slooooow. I thought I had left off our emailing on a good note, so I didn't want to bother D and I wanted to give her some space to think things over. By Tuesday I couldn't take it anymore, and I emailed D again to tell her I was thinking about her and I asked her some more open, detailed questions that I had thought of as I pondered her situation and wondered how things would go if she picked us.

She didn't answer right away and our caseworker reassured us that she wasn't worried that the Louisiana agency hadn't gotten back with her yet... *the suspense was killing me*

So we wait. And pray for D's family...

Ready for a little brother, Kal?

Placing A Child for Adoption | A Birth Mother's Story

This adoption journey has been amazing in so many ways.

Besides adopting Kal, the best thing that has come out of this journey has been learning more about what the Atonement of Jesus Christ really means for me in my life. Nothing I've done in life up to this point has been as life-changing and spiritually enriching as adoption has been for me.

The process of adopting a child pushes your personal envelope as a woman, as a mother, and ultimately, as a human being. It takes more courage than you think you have, offers more self-knowledge than you think you want, and reassembles your characteristics into someone familiar but changed.

-Jana Wolff, Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother

I have such a testimony of adoption and how it can transform a scary, confusing, sad, abusive, inadequate, or tumultuous situation into a blessing, a miracle where peace can be found and love can multiply, families can be created and extended to include everyone involved. Everyone is changed after an adoption and it can be a huge opportunity for growth for everyone whose life it touches.

Meeting and hearing so many birth mothers speak who are now advocates for adoption is probably the thing that brings me to tears the fastest.

For example...

Video of "A Birth Mother's Story":

Best Smile Ever

Have you seen this video??

Best Smile Ever video:


We watched it and couldn't stop laughing. I would just picture the guy randomly and go into a fit of giggles.

Later on I got a series of picture messages on my phone:

 

Ha ha ha ha ha!

The Best Adoption Scam Email I've Gotten Yet

I giggled all the way through it.

~~~~~

Hello my dear, how are you today,

I found your post on wanting to adopt child ; I will like to inform you that my real Name is Zahinah mariam Fabius I am (22yrs) old from North Mali, west Africa by origin but I am presently leaving in Burkina Faso as a Refugee because of the incident that occurred in my family.

l am a lady who lost her parent's in the ongoing conflicts in my country this has brought great pains into my life that I find myself struggling to stand again. My survival here has been really tough. I will really consider this relationship as serious thing, open in everything and honest because i was raped by these people and became pregnant as a result but i do not know what to do.

I am fair in complexion, 5 ft7 in, 60kg, I am undergraduate, I like reading novels, watching movies and sports, I love going beside the beach during the summer season, I love swimming, I also like watching football but I am not a footballer, I know this email will find you in good emotional condition. Knowing fully well that race, age, religion, ethnicity and nationality can give no hindrance to our relationship, wish we are building as it the best to the way I am seeing it.

My Dear, I have no experience of any foreign relationship but I believe with you I am covered, we black are good and respectful to our beloved one, I believe your presence is making a great difference in me, It bring joy to my life again, my Dear your little word has brought great joy to me, My tears has been wipe up, I really cannot express my feeling about you today but I am happy,

My dear I am confident and believe with your sincerity understanding and everlasting relationship, I feel something strange in me that has made me decided to extend relationship into a deep and everlasting relationship although it depends on your considerations, to me I need someone who I will settle and help me out with what is left behind for me.

I also wish to let you know that things have never been the same ever since our arrival. i like to look into the possibility of taking in the unborn baby through your support. I know how difficult it takes the heart of love of an individual to do such kind of help to person so easily like that but my believe is that God will use you to help me recall my dream again. I will be happy to meet you if possible.

Thanks
Yours ever,
Zahinah

~~~~~

I'm kinda digging that name, though. I might have to steal it for my baby names list... Zahinah. Heh.

Adoption: The Danger of Impatience

I may have said this before, but I think in a perfect world adoption wouldn't exist. It's kind of a broken answer to a broken world.

It's supposed to be a solution that is child-centric: what's best for the child? What do they need to survive and thrive?

A family. The fundamental unit of society. A support system. Safety. Structure. Opportunities. Love.

One problem with adoption that I've been thinking a lot about lately is the entitlement adoptive parents can feel about adopting. For example, I've done this, this, and this... so I deserve a child. And someone should give me a child. And I don't want to jump through any more hoops or have to wait any longer to get a child.

That is not child-centric at all.

I think ethically, if you want to adopt a child... you have to also accept that you may not adopt, or it probably won't be on your timeline. Being open and willing to adopt and going through the steps is fine. I'm sure God blesses all those who have opened their hearts to adoption, whether they adopt or not. But when things don't happen immediately or exactly how you planned, demanding the Universe that you get a child is refocusing the attention back on yourself, not the child. And I think that's when you miss the point.

What if theoretically there were no children to adopt? But those who wanted to adopt demanded that they get a child? It's simple economics - supply and demand. If the demand is there, somehow babies will appear. Somebody will supply them. There are so many cases of kidnapping to supply children to orphanages in third world countries. Prostitution rings that produce children to sell to "adoptive parents" in America and elsewhere. And even more subtle and close to home, there is coercion for young, unwed mothers to place their babies for adoption with bribery and misinformation about what "rights" they will have in an "open adoption." Because infertile couples get impatient and they want what they feel is rightfully theirs.

As I wait to adopt, I remind myself that it's not about me. Yes, we did this, that, and the other thing to be approved to adopt and now we're available and waiting, but that does not mean we have the right now to demand the Universe to provide us with a child.

There is danger in getting impatient. The moment impatience sets in is the moment I've turned from focusing on what I might be able to do for a child to focusing on what a child could do for me. That's when it becomes selfish.

I remind myself that I'm actually waiting for someone else's life to fall apart in order for my family to come together. That's heartbreaking, devastating. I've seen it with my own eyes. I wish life wasn't so hard and decisions like whether or not to place your baby for adoption didn't need to exist. My desire for a child does not trump the suffering of another person.

That is worth a little patience.

Enjoying the here and now.