Wednesday, November 11, 2009

How Our Journey to Adopt Began

*Hoping to Adopt*
www.xavierandaliceanne.blogspot.com

When I came to Utah as a naive 18-year-old back in 2004, I didn't know much about adoption. Never really even crossed my mind. I soon came to realize that practically everyone in Utah was adopted themselves, was looking to adopt, or had family members who were adopted. This wasn't the case back in Georgia where folks tend to be more "traditional" in how they create their families. So, this was quite a shock to me.

Inevitably, I began to hear people talk about it. In the back of my head I was almost equating adoption with ABORTION. I don't know why I felt this way, something to do with how I was raised maybe... but I honestly felt that if a woman was placing her child for adoption, it was a cop-out. She was trying to get out of her responsibility and the consequences for her bad choices. Hmmm... Yeah, I was basically a moron. Adoption is the exact opposite of abortion. But like I said, I was naive.

The turning point came when I met an awesome girl who had four adopted siblings. We worked together at a job where we had lots of time to talk. I asked her a lot of questions, trying to understand adoption from the perspective of someone whose life it had touched so intimately. She made the comment that she couldn't stand when people referred to the blessing of children as "consequences." Ha ha... ummm... yeah, I felt kind of dumb at that moment. I'll always remember her saying that. I loved her family's story and was amazed at the love her parents had shown to these "random kids," as I saw it then. I wasn't fully sold on the idea, but it was the beginning of a change of heart for me. Looking back, I can see I was growing up and expanding my horizons as I met new people and learned from others' experiences.

It took me a couple years of meeting lots of new people and reading and watching everything I could about adoption before I felt comfortable with the idea. As I became more educated, I became more and more pro-adoption. There are so many broken homes, single parents, and young parents struggling to provide for their kids. There are kids brought up in abusive households. Sometimes babies are born into a bad situation - something they didn't ask for. When a girl finds she's pregnant, those mommy instincts will tell her she needs to protect that child at all costs. And in some bad situations, the pregnancy can be the wake-up call that she needs to either change her situation into a more positive one... or save the child from it some other way. If it's in the best interest of the child, adoption can be a beautiful answer to a heart-wrenching situation.

On the other side of things, I also fell into the "infertile community." I learned firsthand that there are countless couples with the potential to be great parents who are either struggling with infertility or looking to expand their family in other ways. It only makes sense that these couples be given a chance to love a child of their own... and allow the birth parents a chance to start over and make different decisions. That's what the mercy of the Lord is all about. In a perfect world, adoption wouldn't exist. But in God's mercy, it's an answer sometimes in a broken world.

I don't remember when I said it for the first time, but I remember saying to Zay, "I want to adopt." It was a passive statement, something I thought that I'd be ready for 10 years from now... and something I didn't really think Zay would agree to. It was foreign to us still. I thought he would laugh it off as one of those things I say I want to do, but not really. But there I was confessing this desire to adopt that had been growing inside me for years. And to my surprise, he was okay with it! We had a huge discussion about it, letting out all our hopes and fears and reservations. Since that moment, we have continued to learn more, this time together. On top of that growing desire, we had to face our own fertility issues, and we soon realized that adoption was the path we were to take much earlier than we ever thought.

And here we are! Starting that journey.... which it definitely is - a journey, a process, a roller coaster ride. I'll be blogging about it. We're lucky enough to be in a position where we know we could provide a loving home for a child. We're not the wealthiest people (by far), but we are dang hardworking, willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary, and we have so much love for each other. We've had our struggles, but we've accepted each other for who we are, we support each other no matter what we want out of life, and we've had years together to learn what kind of parents we want to be and to build a home together. Not everyone is blessed with that much preparation time before being blessed with a child. Not everyone is blessed with a partner that loves, respects, supports, and cherishes them through thick and thin. We are in a position to be able to lovingly provide for a child, teach them all that we know, give them opportunities that even we didn't have growing up, and hopefully instill a love of God and service to others in them. It's exciting to think about!

We are ready to be parents and adoption is our answer.





3 comments:

  1. Good luck Alice. I have a friend in my ward who is also trying to adopt. I know the right baby will be brought into your family.
    I'm glad you started a blog :)
    PS yes I still work the games. It is fun. I do miss you!

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  2. Hey Alice Anne! I am so glad you started a blog, I cannot wait to hear more about this exciting new adventure!

    You are right about how common adoption is! My little brother was adopted, one of my best friends was adopted AND my cousin just adopted a little girl a year and a half ago through LDS family service and just finished the paperwork for adoption #2! I felt like I was with her every step of the way and it was so AMAZING for them to get the call and welcome a new little angel into their world, she has turned their world upside down in the most incredible way!

    Good luck with everything, I am SO excited for you!!! :)

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  3. My sister put her baby up for adoption (she has mild Cerebral Palsy and has a lot of love to give, but perhaps not the capacity to give her baby everything else he needed). He was BEAUTIFUL and SO hard to give up for her since she always always wanted to have kids - but I'm so grateful he has a good home. His new family is marvelous and they are so lucky to have him -- and we're lucky they have him too. Adoption is strange, heartbreaking and miraculous all at once. Mostly wonderful : ) Good luck in your journey - I know it can be a long and difficult road.

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