Sunday, January 17, 2010

What Would I Be Missing?

Photo: www.organicbabystyle.com

Let's just say (as a possibility)... I can never get pregnant. I want to just face reality for a second. What if I spend the next 10 or 12 years trying to get pregnant and it just never happens, no matter what we try? Is it worth it? What would I be missing out on that adoption couldn't replace?

I think there are two things that stand out to me...
  • First, that I would never experience the actual physicality of it all - pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding. I'll never get to see what my body can really do as a woman. Zay will never get to see me with a pregnant belly, which he says would be "so sexy." Ha ha.
  • And second, we would never know what a child with our characteristics would look like. Our DNA wouldn't be passed on and we wouldn't ever be able to see a baby with Zay's eyes and my ... well, my big ears, I guess. Ha ha. My mom would be disappointed that she'd never have a grandchild that looked like us, either. I'm sure my mother-in-law feels the same.
Those are two things that I've wanted to experience at least once. Just once. That's all. But if it never, ever happens... I guess I'll always know what I missed out on. I can live vicariously through friends and family members and move on. I think 2010 will be my last year of actively "trying." What's going through my mind right now is that it's really not worth spending another stressful year TTC. I know what I'll be missing and I could go ahead and put it behind me - mourn the loss of my unconceived child, and then move on. I think that would be best for all participating parties.

We'll see how I feel in 2011.

P.S. - Feel free to list all the horrible things about pregnancy. Cuz that's all I really need to hear. :)





1 comment:

  1. Haha, I will list some horrible things about pregnancy!!
    ** With Rylee I couldn't even keep water down! I was sooo sick and would throw up like 5-8 times a day. I got so dehydrated that I had to be hospitalized and when they tried to get an IV in me it took like 30 pokes with a needle and finally they called in an anesthesiologist because my veins had collapsed.
    ** Contractions really, really, really hurt
    ** Stretch Marks!
    ** By the end you feel like a forgetful, weepy, over-sensitive, whale...haha and then you double in size!

    To be honest I have never been a huge fan of being pregnant- I LOVE the end result but you just feel kinda weird the whole time during pregnancy :). And with adoption you will be able to get the end result (a beautiful child that is YOURS) and skip out on the not as fun part! :)

    ReplyDelete

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