Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Adoption References and Feeling Inadequate


As we've been gathering up our character references for adoption, I suddenly started feeling really inadequate. I started to wonder who really knew us? We move a lot and it's hard to make friends at Church when they move a lot too. We've been out of touch for years with the people we were friends with back in Georgia, so... who really knows us and has a positive impression of us? That one was difficult for me. I tend to be really self-conscious and it's hard to think about how other people perceive me...

...especially since I tend to be really outspoken when it comes to whatever relationship problems I encounter. I'm not shy about discussing issues with my friends. I started to fear that everyone who knew us would only remember all the negative things I've ever complained about. Yikes!

I knew our Bishop would have nice things to say. He's awesome and he loves Zay's inquisitive attitude and involvement in the Church. Our caseworker said that he gave us a "glowing review." Ha ha. Good! I just hope that the rest of them will turn out okay. I'm such a worry-wort!

My feelings of inadequacy also stem from the anxiety I feel about a birth mother choosing us. I know we haven't gotten that far yet, but it's something I'm always thinking about. I hope when the time comes, I'll be able to be myself and not feel pressured to appear "perfect" for them. I know deep down that we would be awesome parents, but I still get crazy nervous thinking about some of these things!

I know I shouldn't feel so insecure, but I do. And if I say it out loud it might help me work through it.

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