Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dreams about Babies

Since trying to add to our family is the #1 thing on my mind lately, of course I'd end up dreaming about it.

I had a dream a few nights ago...

In it, we ended up adopting a child way sooner than expected - I don't even think we had managed to do everything to get approved yet. It was almost like we were on a list and we were the next ones on the list, so they called us up to offer us a child. It didn't really make any sense, but apparently there was an extreme shortage of adoptive parents and an overload of babies, so they just handed over a little girl to us because she needed a family immediately. It didn't matter that we weren't approved yet. She was about 2 years old. I felt so unprepared! We didn't have a crib, so I laid her on the couch. For her to be 2 years old, she was much like a baby. I left her there on the couch, because I needed to  do something important in another room. I came back to see that she'd fallen off and was laying still, face down on the floor! I was terrified! This happened a few times. Each time, I was frantic trying to see if she was okay. I felt like a horrible mother! She was always fine, even though it seemed like a life or death situation every time. Then it was time to go to Church and we didn't have a stroller to push her there. I looked around to see what we could use and all of a sudden one appeared - my sister-in-law had given it to me. Everything was fine as we pushed our daughter to Church. When we got there, it was a really huge building and really dark - all the lights were off when we got inside, but the sun was shining in through the windows and everyone there was going crazy over us having a little girl. I felt like I fit in and was comfortable and happy. I kept glancing up at the sunlight shining in.

I woke up thinking it was funny that my little girl had hair that kind of looked like Afro Samurai:


I'm always trying to interpret my dreams when I wake up.

What I took away from the dream was that I'll never really feel fully prepared to be a parent, no matter how many people I talk to or books I read or whatever. No matter how long I wait to be a parent, when the time comes - it will probably feel like it's a little too soon, like someone is just handing a baby over to us all of a sudden. I'll make mistakes as a parent, especially the first time through. And it may feel like life or death, but it won't be. I'll probably be overly protective, and worry over every little thing I "mess up" on. But even when I don't feel like I measure up as a mother, my child will turn out just fine. I'll have a support system, including my brother and sister-in-law and all their family. They'll help me when I need it (with magically appearing strollers! ha ha). And when I take my child to Church, I'll feel comfortable and know that's where I should be and that I was meant to be a mother. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. :)

I think I put a good spin on it!

Zay's had dreams too, but he never goes into much detail when he tells me about them. He's had one where he's seen a little girl named Nevaeh who was really dark-skinned and beautiful. That was back before we really discussed adoption, so it's interesting that she was so dark-skinned - if we actually made our own biological babies, chances are they wouldn't be that dark. Sounds like foreshadowing to me! He also had another dream about a boy named Michael. Nevaeh and Michael are both names that we added to the Baby Names List a long time ago, so it was interesting to hear that he'd dreamed of what they could possibly look like.

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