Monday, May 17, 2010

Mother's Day Weekend 2010

Saturday May 8th was Birth Mother's Day. It was actually the first time I'd ever heard about it and I loved the idea. Celebrating your child's first mother - the one who gave birth to them - makes a lot of sense. I'm all about open adoptions and celebrating the birth mother for her courageous decision to place her baby with another family. I really put birth parents up on a pedestal and I know that one day I'll owe them so much!

I went to an "Adoption Walk" in Provo that morning. It was in celebration of adoptive families in Utah County and the birth mothers who helped make those families more complete.


My sign said, "I am here in honor future babies... :)"

My buddy Kayla's sign said, "I am here in honor of...Wyatt."

Wyatt. He's awesome. Was adopted. Now dates Kayla. 
And plays video games on our couch. Ha ha. :)

There were lots of kids activities. I remember this parachute game from elementary school!

There were balloons and donuts.

Me, sunburned from earlier that week. But still out walking to support the cause!

There were lots of doggies! Kayla and I were in heaven. :)

Even Cosmo the Cougar was there to lend a hand. He led the races.

I was actually surprised at the turnout! There's such an awesome community 
of Families Supporting Adoption!

Celebrating Birth Mothers:
  • There's a nice discussion on the Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) blog about Birth Mother's Day and what the Adoption Walk is about.
  • I read an awesome blog from a lady who goes by Mrs. R. She talked about what Birth Mother's Day is and about celebrating it with the two birth mothers in her life. I absolutely love reading her blog and I love the relationships she's been able to form with the two girls who placed their babies with her family. 
  • Here is a poem from one of the birth mothers to Mrs. R on Mother's Day. It's so sweet.
  • Here's a blog about how birth mothers can be open and part of a community rather than hiding the fact that they placed a baby.

Mother's Day had a completely different feel to it than Birth Mother's Day. I had what a lot of infertile women call Mother's Day Blues... Excerpt from my journal:

"I was pretty much fine all day, but when we came home from Church and entered our empty apartment, thoughts and feelings bombarded me from left and right. I cried. A lot. Zay didn't exactly know how to comfort me and that made me cry even more. I'm usually the strong one when it comes to that sort of thing. Everything hit me all at once and I couldn't handle it. It's Mother's Day and I'm not a MOTHER. :( Some of my friends on Facebook gave me some comforting words - that they had been thinking about me all that day, that they didn't know anyone who would be a BETTER MOTHER, that I was a MOTHER to the Primary kids we teach and to all the people I influence."

This was the first Mother's Day that I ever had negative feelings, so I guess it was about time. Of course, the first thing I thought of to do was get on the computer and look up blogs about how I felt! I love the online infertile/adoption community!
  • I read a blog HERE that had some encouraging words. Here's some points that stood out to me:
    • "I have learned that I can lean on other people when I am feeling overwhelmed and tired on this journey to parenthood. We don't always have to have our "game face" on and pretend we are happy for everyone else! It is ok to voice that you are hurting and tired and mad or any other feeling you are experiencing. Let those feelings out once in a while. Talk to a friend you trust, or your spouse or a counselor or blog it or journal it. Keeping those feelings locked up all the time isn't healthy."
    • "I have learned that if you are going through fertility treatments, it's ok to take a break from them. Take a step back and reconnect with your spouse, with the things you did before the fertility treatments started. Go away for the weekend and make love to your spouse for the sheer enjoyment of it, rather than for the sole purpose of procreation. You need each other."
    • "And lastly, I have learned that if you have been running in the "Baby Chase" for a LONG time and decide that you just can't run any more, it is ok to say "I am done". You don't have to explain or apologize to anyone. Everyone has their limits."
  • I read HERE about how motherhood precedes maternity. My divine nature has and always will be to be a mother. :)

Zay took me to the park later to feed the ducks and throw the frisbee. You can tell I'd been crying. Sad. :( ... He took some pictures with me. That made me feel better. I think I should be grateful that he's so awesome to me! I could live childless with him forever and be happy.


  1. I really enjoyed reading this. You'll be an amazing mother to very special children someday soon :)

  2. @David and Melanie -

    Thanks so much! Mother's Day has never been hard on me before. This past year I've just spent so much time and energy into trying to get pregnant and then trying to adopt. It all crept up on me and made my Mother's Day feel like a slap in the face for all my hard work! Having bad days is just part of the journey... but you're right, I'll be a mom to some pretty cool kids one day. I'm sure of it. :)


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