Monday, August 9, 2010

Baby Bucket List

Part Four

* * *

It took a couple weeks before we were ready to talk about things again, but we sat down and tried to make some goals. These are supposed to be things that we need/want to get done or have before we can move forward with starting a family. The first list started off like this:
  1. Pay off all student loan debt.
  2. Finish saving for all likely adoption fees/expenses.
  3. Set up a retirement account.
  4. Have 6 month's worth of income in our savings account.
  5. Take a vacation to a foreign country.
  6. Buy a house. 
  7. Get a second car.
  8. ......
Okay, so the Baby Bucket List started off with some pretty lofty goals, and they all had to do with money. I mean, the total amount Zay wanted us to come up with before we could move on was about $70,000. I could see where most of his concerns were centered! I was like, "Ummmm.... okay. That was a good start. Now, let's try this again with some realistic goals." Ha ha. And he says he's the realistic one! If we're gonna have to come up with $70,000 before we can even think of moving on, I should just throw in the towel right this second. It might as well be a gazillion dollars.

So we tried again, focusing more on being ready as a couple rather than having a buttload of money in the bank. I think we did better the second time around.
  1. Reach our goal weights for the year. We want to be around long enough (meaning *not dead*) to play with our kids and teach them sports when they're young. We don't want to be huffing and puffing trying to do that... or sitting on the sidelines because our backs and knees hurt. This is also teaching us some much needed self-discipline - a value that we want to pass down to our kids and to do that we need to learn it ourselves.
  2. Find a good marriage counselor and start seeing them once a month or so. I'm a big believer in taking preventative measures in relationships. I've seen lots of divorces where the marital problems had crept up almost unnoticed and then suddenly overwhelmed the marriage. I think identifying issues early on and working them out as we go along will benefit us in the long run. I wish we had done this years ago. I'm sure there would have been far less arguments and more constructive communication. It would also be nice to find a counselor who has dealt with adoptive families before. That would help with the disappointments that are very likely to rear their ugly heads while we're being matched to a birth family.
  3. Establish a good pattern of Date Night (there's an awesome blog HERE with a hilarious video about having date night...OMG, so funny!). Setting a night aside to do this actually reminds us that we need to take the time to have a special night together every once in awhile instead of always just "hanging out." It will help us make each other a priority - something we'll need to do even after we have kids (especially after we have kids).
  4. Me getting a job that will allow Zay to get back into school. Being self-employed has a lot of drawbacks... and we've been going back and forth about me being a stay-at-home mom and Zay being a stay-at-home dad... and I ended up deciding that I should use my education to start a career. Zay can go to school like he's wanted to do for years now and be the stay-at-home dad that he used to dream of being. It's in my personality to work and if I can find the right job that I'll enjoy, I wouldn't mind being the main provider.
  5. Get health insurance (hopefully this comes with a job w/benefits and the whole health insurance nightmare will end).
  6. Start a retirement account (hopefully this comes with a job w/benefits).
  7. Finish saving for all likely adoption fees/expenses.
  8. Make a savings plan in order to pay off all student loan debt, have 6 month's worth of income in our savings account, buy a house, and get a second car. We don't need to actually do any of these things. We just need to make a plan to.
After we settled on these goals, we set a deadline for ourselves. This is supposed to be the date on which we can say that it doesn't matter if we've crossed everything off the list yet, we're moving forward! At first Zay said December 21, 2012, because that's supposed to be the end of the world anyway. Ha ha. I told him there was no way I was waiting 2 1/2 years for him to get comfortable with anything. And if it's going to be the end of the world, I'm gonna be mighty pissed that he made me wait until it was too late! So, the official deadline is the end of this year.

** I got the idea for a "Baby Bucket List" from a friend's blog. Check her out at Baby Makin' Machine! **


  1. Wow! This makes me feel like I need to get my butt in gear. Holy smokes, you're really thinking things through. Man, you guys are going somewhere with this kind of thinking. I'm excited for you!

  2. @The Girl -

    Ha ha ha! I'm glad you think I'm so on top of things! It's easy to think things through - the hard part is actually DOING them. LOL. There were a lot of things that I just had to cut out of the list altogether... like getting our food storage up to par, having decent FHE's, taking pre-baby vacations... TOO MUCH. I can't do everything! You can see why I worry so much and get so confused about things because I have WAY too much going on in my head at once. Blah!

  3. Good luck reaching your goals, and preparing for starting a family. When this year started, we thought, "2010 is the year we get ready for a baby!" Eight months later, we realize we're not ready yet, and need at least another year or two by ourselves before we're ready to add to our family. When it comes time, though, we'll have to sit down and make a bucket list like this. What a good way to keep you heading toward your goals.

  4. @ Heather -

    Yeah, as much as I thought I wanted kids immediately... God knew better. Ha ha. Looking back, I wasn't smart enough to know that on my own... so good for you for realizing on your own that you weren't ready! I'm all about goals and lists and to-do's to keep me heading in the right direction. :)


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