Friday, August 13, 2010

Darkest Before The Dawn

After our Anniversary, I knew something had to give. Something needed to change and something needed to change quickly before I blew a fuse or popped a blood vessel or something. Lol. I kept thinking about all the stuff we've gone through the last couple years... and how struggles can either tear a couple apart or bring them closer together. I was doing everything that I knew how to do for it to be the latter.

I kept wondering what God wanted us to learn from all this...(infertility, adoption hindrances, etc.)? Because I've learned A LOT. I've grown so much... even more than what I thought I was capable of. I felt like I had done all that I could do and I was wondering when God was going to do His part. What else was there for me to learn? I was humble (ha ha), I was patient (HA)... I was going the extra mile in every spiritual aspect of my life I could think of... but there were no clear answers. I guess my choices at this point were to either lose faith, or endure to the end.

My prayers had all begun sounding the same around this time. They sounded something like this:

Okay God. This is all I can do without direction. This is my best. PLEASE just give me something. Whatever it is I need. Please just make something happen. Amen.

And I kept going. I trusted that God would come through for me when He was dang good and ready.

And then... suddenly everything started to fall into place. I got a job - a job that is perfect for me, a job that I found on accident really, a job that has benefits that begin immediately such as health insurance and 401(k) matching!

This was a job that I was positive I wasn't going to get. I had been actively trying hard to get a job for about 2 months before I interviewed for this one, doing interview after interview and being turned down left and right. I was so frustrated, that I knew I wasn't going to get this job as soon as I got the call for me to come in for an interview. Since I knew I wasn't going to get it, I was (almost) completely relaxed. I wasn't too nervous or anxious. I just answered the questions to the best of my ability without getting all hyper and talkative or blurting out stupid things. I took my time and actually thought about the questions before answering so that I could use good examples from my past work and school experience - examples that actually matched the job description. I joked a little bit and had the interviewers laughing. I wasn't too proud to beg for the job, either. Ha ha. "Please pick me cuz I'm awesome!" The interview went absolutely perfectly and I left feeling good that I actually made it through an interview so well. I would have been fine if I didn't get the job, because I knew I had done my best and there was nothing else I could have done.

But they actually called me back! And I couldn't believe it. I took the phone call in the bedroom and then I cracked open the bedroom door just barely to catch Zay's eye in the living room. He said, "What?!" And I whispered, "I got the job." Zay started yelling, "YES! YES!" and I giggled and shut the door. He said, "Get out here, woman!" and we did a little celebratory dancing in the living room. Ha ha ha. He said, "You have no idea what's going on inside my heart right now." Lol. I think that means he's happy. And I'm happy too. :)


  1. HOORAY! I'm glad they hired you because you are awesome!

  2. YAY! That makes me so happy. You deserve to have everything fall into place, and I'm sure this is just the first little part. :D

  3. Congrats!! That is awesome! What a huge blessing!

  4. I am SO excited for you!!! Where did you get the job and what will you be doing?

  5. Yay! I hope it all continues to go well.

  6. Yay congrats on the new job!! I hope even more things start falling into place for you. You have such a good perspective on things...hang in there-I can't wait to see what AMAZING things happen next for you and Zay :)

  7. @David and Melanie - I KNOW I'm awesome, dangit! I don't know why I doubt myself. LOL.

    @The Girl & @Kylee & @Amy - I was getting so frustrated with life that I knew SOMETHING had to fall into place. I'm so glad it happened when it did. Things are starting to come together and make a little more sense. :) I shouldn't have been so impatient, cuz it is a BLESSING after all. Not an ENTITLEMENT.

    @Emma - I'll message you on Facebook and tell you all about it! It's nerdy, but perfect for me!

    @ecometrochic - Ha ha ha! Aren't me and Zay cute sometimes??? LOL

    @Tesera - I only have a good perspective after the fact. Lol. Thanks for rooting for us!


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