Sunday, September 19, 2010



A friend who I consider one of my fellow "infertility warriors" sent me a talk given by Dallin H. Oaks called "Timing" that she and her husband were listening to. It made her think of me and I'm so glad she forwarded it on. She thinks I'm doing an awesome job at being patient, but I think she's the awesome one and I learn a lot from her! She has a very calm and soothing personality.

Here are some of my thoughts while reading this talk:

Learning to accept God's timing is difficult, that's for sure. But it's one of the lessons we have to learn while we're here on earth. And that doesn't mean to sit back and just let whatever happen either. There's a delicate balance between planning/preparing for life and accepting how life plays out.

"In all the important decisions in our lives, what is most important is to do the right thing. Second, and only slightly behind the first, is to do the right thing at the right time. People who do the right thing at the wrong time can be frustrated and ineffective. They can even be confused about whether they made the right choice when what was wrong was not their choice but their timing."

God wants for us to dream big and have desires for our life. This life is precious and short and we are meant to make the most of it. I know that my desire to have kids and to pursue adoption are righteous desires. So, I know that I'm doing the right thing. I also realize that when I'm feeling frustrated and ineffective and confused, it's because I'm trying to rush things. Instead of rushing towards the end result, there are so many things I could be focusing on along the journey. I hope that I'm doing a good job in that aspect, by making goals and taking my time developing myself as a person. I've learned a lot of things that I can take with me forever - self-control, managing my finances better, working hard, time management, healthy eating & exercising, preparedness, relying on the Lord, etc, etc, etc. Those things can never be taken from me, no matter how my life ends up and how adoption plans pan out.

"The achievement of some important goals in our lives is subject to more than the timing of the Lord. Some personal achievements are also subject to the agency of others."

I cannot take away the agency of any other person, including my husband. I'm definitely learning this one! Patience is a hard thing to learn, especially when you feel so strongly about something. But I know that he needs to work through his issues just like I need to work through mine. If our timelines don't match up, so be it - I've just gotta deal with it!

"Someone has said that life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Because of things over which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire in our lives. Many important things will occur in our lives that we have not planned, and not all of them will be welcome... Even our most righteous desires may elude us, or come in different ways or at different times than we have sought to plan."

What a scary idea! I really hope my most righteous desires will not elude me my entire life, but it's possible. It's something that I'll need to prepare my mind for... I think all I can do right now is prepare for disappointment - expect it - and then be pleasantly surprised when things go right. Hmmm... that's gonna be hard to do when I am just too daggum excited and optimistic! LOL.

"Wise are those who make this commitment: I will put the Lord first in my life and I will keep His commandments. The performance of that commitment is within everyone’s control. We can fulfill that commitment without regard to what others decide to do, and that commitment will anchor us no matter what timing the Lord directs for the most important events in our lives."

"If we have faith in God and if we are committed to the fundamentals of keeping His commandments and putting Him first in our lives, we do not need to plan every single event – even every important event – and we should not feel rejected or depressed if some things – even some very important things – do not happen at the time we had planned or hoped or prayed."

"Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens."

The closer I get to God and the more I focus on developing righteous qualities and virtues, the more I'm able to accept whatever comes my way. I can't control everything that happens or doesn't happen in life, but I can control myself and my reactions and choices. That's empowering when infertility and adoption can make you feel so out of control!


  1. I'm so glad that you liked this talk so much! I'm so happy to see that it helped you.

    My motto in life is, "Expect the worst, hope for the best." That way, you can never be disappointed.

  2. @The Girl - yeah, don't hesitate to send me stuff because I read EVERYTHING. Ha ha ha. Thanks!


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