Friday, September 24, 2010

Untitled

I've had a hard time forming words to talk about a recent death in my family. Even now I don't even know what I'm writing... I just feel like I need to say something to acknowledge how awesome she was and how much she is missed by everyone. She was happy, generous, loving life, accepting, warm. It's been a month, so I've had time to try and process it. But it's still horrible to think about. I'm not even sure what processing it really means. Recent nightmares have kept bringing it back fresh into my mind. Death scares me... not necessarily because I will die one day, but more about having to live while those close to me die. I wish I had taken the time to know her better. My heart hurts for our mutual loved ones, especially my brother. I love my brother more than anyone.... Anything that affects him, affects me. It's so hard for me to see him cry. It seems so unfair that her grandson is so young that he won't remember her, when she loved him so much. Her brand new granddaughter will never know her in this life. My heart is raw and aches for understanding. It doesn't make any sense. I hope her husband and children find peace, because I can't even imagine what they're feeling. There hasn't been much closure without a funeral. Everyone's still waiting to see if there will be anything found to bury. It's sickening to think about. It's hard to imagine what she went through in her last moments. I pray that she's okay now. I don't know what life after death will be like, but I sure hope she still carries that cheerful attitude that she always had... despite having her life on earth ripped away from her so quickly. I hope she's taking on whatever Mt. Everest's are in the spirit world! Ha ha ha. We miss you, Heather. :)





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