Saturday, November 6, 2010

Life Update

Things are going great lately. I couldn't be happier! :)

Zay is fully onboard with adoption plans. We're setting aside all fertility treatments until we see how things turn out with adoption. The worry he had about people being able to tell us "no, you can't be parents" has definitely faded. They (caseworkers, friends who've been through the process before, etc.) keep telling us that they expect us to get chosen by a birthmother quickly... for two reasons: 1) we don't have any children and 2) we're an interracial couple seeking a black or bi-racial child. It's typical for birthmothers to want to place with a family who doesn't have any children rather than a family who has 4 or 5 already. Children are blessings and we should spread 'em around! Lol. Also, as sad as it is to say... black children (specifically black males) are the least likely to be adopted, most likely to fill foster homes, etc. And the fact that we want a non-white child increases our chances of getting picked sooner rather than later. I hope that's the case. :)

May sound weird, but a lot of the "prepping" I'm doing lately to be a mother has been eliminating a lot of the negative influences in my life (i.e., "friends" who ain't no good). I'm just trying to think about the kind of people I want in my life when I'm a mother, the kind of people I'd want around my kids... and some of these people just don't cut it. Lol. I have a tendency to be nice and try to help people who have a lot of problems, but over time it has just accumulated into a lot of headaches... people who don't change, people who bring negative vibes, etc. And I'm coming to realize that it is NOT my responsibility to fix everyone and all their problems. Seriously, as soon as I "broke up" with some people, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm starting a new chapter in my life and my priorities have got to change. It feels good to evaluate who I spend my time with and take out the trash. LOL. In the process I've found sooo many people who are actually supportive and encouraging, and that feels awesome. Not everyone has a great support system, but I know I do... and I am so grateful for that.

One big thing that happened recently is that they finally had a funeral for Heather Finch (my brother's mother-in-law) who died two months ago in a plane crash in Nepal. She was with her best friend Leuzi... off to hike Mt. Everest and add to their growing list of adventures they had taken. Heather kept amazing scrapbooks of all their adventures. I got to flip through them and remember how happy she was and how she embraced life. The funeral brought a lot of closure to everyone. There were so many people there. She was definitely loved. I was bawling the whole time. I love my sweet, sweet sister-in-law and it was so hard to see her cry. I learned a lot from being there and I can't even express in words how it affected me... There are so many qualities in Heather that I need to develop in myself. The word family means so much more to me now. I watched my nephew Evander (her first grandchild) wave to the casket and say, "Bye bye, Grandma!" Oh, boy. The tears kept coming. I will never forget that experience and I'm grateful for it, despite the tragedy and the heartache. I've grown. It's made me realize how ready I am to be a mother and to show the kind of love to my child that Heather had for hers.

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