Saturday, December 4, 2010

Waiting Time

As soon as we got approved to adopt, the first thing I felt was relief. And then I felt a little silly for ever being worried about it. Of course we were approved. We're awesome. :)

But immediately after that, my mind started to wander. A month passed. I started to feel anxious. I kept myself busy with work, took on some overtime hours for the holidays. Went and got some family pictures taken. Played with my nephew as much as I could. I daydreamed...

Approval was just the beginning and now we were out there, "on the market," waiting... waiting for something to happen. What that something would be... *shrugs*. Every adoption is unique. The questions started creeping into my mind - How long will it take before birth parents start contacting us? IF they contact us...?

All that was left to comfort me was random statistics... like, the chances of us getting picked within 6-12 months, the average length of couples waiting, etc. Things that tell me how other people's stories happened, but not how ours will happen.

I started tying our "wait time" with our worthiness to be parents. The longer we wait, the more unworthy we are. The longer we wait, the less desirable we are. The longer we wait, the more hopelessness will set in. The longer we wait, the less excited I'll become. The longer we wait, the more Zay's concerns about this never happening will be deepened and reaffirmed.

Screw praying for patience. I'm praying for things to happen quickly. :)





3 comments:

  1. Good for you! God's a whole lot more likely to give you what you ask for, so why not ask for things to happen quickly? (But maybe, to keep your sanity, ask for a little patience, too. The whole "God's will, not mine" thing.) As for me, I'll just pray that things happen quickly for you. :D

    PS-I LOVE your quote on the left. It's just beautiful.

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  2. I am so happy for you I know that you will be wonderful parents. I love ya girl.

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  3. @Anna - I like that! "God's a whole lot more likely to give you what you ask for..." I just knew that I wouldn't be able to handle all this if it dragged on and on and on. So, I asked God for what I wanted. And He's usually ready and willing to bless me, for some unknown reason! Funny thing, I don't think I ever prayed to get pregnant... I think I always asked for His will to be done, whatever that would be. Now here I am praying for something specific. I think He likes when we're specific!

    @Being An Allred - Thank you, chica! If people keep telling me that, I'm gonna start to believe that nonsense! :D

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