I took a vacation day from work on my birthday last month so that we could go do our individual interviews with our caseworker. I was happy about moving forward, but had some anxiety about going back to the place where I had cried so much. I was so worried that things wouldn't work out... and then there we were, moving forward again. I was hesitantly excited. It was an awesome birthday present to myself to get that done, but I was still way nervous about how things would go after this.
We finished our online profile, including a birthparent letter that was emotional overload to write. It took forever because it was all dependent on how good Zay felt about the process. We would work on it when he wanted to and when he was less worried and reluctant. Near the end, we worked on it a ton and had a lot of fun late night discussions. I knew that reflected how comfortable/hopeful Zay was getting and that made me happy. :)
The next step was to have our homestudy visit. We didn't know what to expect exactly, but we cleaned a ton, kept an eye out for things we could make safer for a baby, and imagined where we would keep a crib, etc. We made lots of room and rearranged and nested our little hearts out. Our caseworker came, asked us some questions, looked around, pointed some things out to us, and then that was it! She said we could be approved in as little as a couple weeks. I couldn't believe we were so close! This is where the nerves really kicked in. We waited to hear back.
Turns out a new policy made it where we needed more recent physical exams done (as if our life expectancy would change in a matter of months), so I set up appointments to get that done...which was a piece of cake with health insurance, ha ha ha. Did that. Next? A couple of our references hadn't come back from a year ago (slacker friends! ha ha...just kidding), so we figured that out. And then waited, waited.
The day we were hoping to be approved was pushed back a week while the agency was doing some cross training. How nervewracking! OMG. Waiting, waiting.
And then, ta-da! No more hassle, no more paperwork (for now), we were done! We were approved! We persisted and we made it! I squealed when I got the email. I called Zay, I called my mom, I freaked out about it on Facebook, LOL!
For a lot of couples, it can take a month or two and then they're done with the process... not that big a deal, right? But for us, it was the biggest emotional hurdle we've ever had to get through. We discovered so much about ourselves and worked out so many kinks in our marriage (communication, common goals, etc.). We're better people than when we started. So much has happened.
We were writing to each other today in Church. True to my over-the-top emotional self, I wrote, "So... are you happy? Are you oh, so excited?! Are you relieved beyond belief?!?!" And true to his subdued emotional character he wrote, "I'm fine. :)." That smiley face says it all!!!
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