Sunday, March 27, 2011

I'm a Mom!

Me at the Hospital

I'm sprawled on the floor in my bedroom, working on my laptop that I finally got up and running again. I got rid of my computer desk to have room for the crib, lol. But the floor is fine. :) Priorities!

Yesterday my beautiful baby boy turned 2 weeks old. He is GORGEOUS. And it's funny to think that I was ever worried about if he'd be cute or not (mothers-to-be worry about things like that!), because he is SO cute that I almost can't stand it! Ha ha ha. He is absolutely perfect in every way. Nothing at the hospital went like I thought it would, but when I finally did get to hold him, I recognized him immediately. That was my boy! I always imagined him scrawny like my nephew, but browner. With a cute little flat baby nose. Brown eyes and lots of dark hair. He was all that and more! What a little heartbreaker. :)

We got to bring him home from the hospital 2 days after he was born, but it took about a week after that before I "bonded" with him. I always imagined me falling in love with him the moment I saw him being born. But... I didn't get to see him born. And there were so many other emotions going on at once (hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, empathy, fear, confusion, etc.) that I completely disconnected emotionally. I couldn't process all of it at once, so I didn't process any of it. I knew I recognized his adorable little face and I knew our birth mom was firm in her decision (despite the grieving she was painfully experiencing right in front of us), but it took time. I was glad I was prepared for that.

Our caseworker kept telling us to be flexible about what we wanted out of the hospital experience and to be prepared for anything. I was prepared for a lot of things, but there were so many unexpected things coming at us at once that I was in panic-mode. Now that I look back, I'm glad we experienced things the way we did because it was all a huge learning experience.

A few of the things we learned: People aren't going to react emotionally the way you would think (including ourselves); being at the birth wasn't as important as we thought and even if you discussed a birthplan it doesn't mean that it won't change; feeling out of the loop and having a lack of communication in such a critical time as her being in labor is one of the worst feelings we've ever felt; just because the birthmother is firm in her decision doesn't mean everyone at the hospital is going to be supportive - actually, they can be downright deceitful, manipulative, and intrustive... even when the birthmother is a grown woman and can make her own decisions!; watching the birthmother grieve (while dealing with family drama) hurts like h***; birthmothers are even more amazing than I imagined; this precious child's adoption was meant to be for many, many reasons and I feel good knowing Zay and I were chosen to give him the stability and provide for him the way he deserves.

Oh, and I learned I love being a mom!





2 comments:

  1. yeay!!! I'm so excited for you dear! Let me know when I can come by and meet him!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Heather - you are awesome! And Avery is THE CUTEST!!

    ReplyDelete

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