Thursday, October 25, 2012

From Infertility to Adoption - Closing One Door and Opening Another

*Hugs!* Zay & Kal

The first time we pursued adoption, we weren't ready to close the door on getting pregnant. We wanted to pursue both at the same time... I guess to maximize our chances. Whether we'd adopt or get pregnant, we'd be happy.

Our caseworker kept telling us that it wasn't wise to keep one foot in each of those camps (adoption AND fertility). She said that we shouldn't view adoption as our B Plan, but rather our new A Plan. I didn't understand that at the time. I kept thinking us getting pregnant had nothing to do with our adoption journey. It felt like she was trying to get us to "give up" on getting pregnant and put it behind us. But why? I wasn't ready to do that.

After adopting once, I can now see the wisdom in it. Both paths to building your family are extremely stressful and can be full of disappointment and heartache. Trying to pursue both wasn't maximizing our chances more than it was stressing us out. It wasn't allowing us to process our infertility emotionally. And it wasn't allowing us to fully enjoy and prepare for adoption and what it was going to do for us.

It's about closing one door and opening another, yes. But that doesn't mean we can't go back to that door later... when we're ready to focus on that (and only that).

After we adopted, I no longer felt the pain that infertility brought into our lives. I was able to process it, accept it, even love it. And I understand why pursuing fertility treatments AND adoption is just too much at once. We don't have to "give up" on getting pregnant, we just have to focus on one thing at a time.

So, no more wishy-washy thinking - should I take my fertility meds? should I chart my cycle? etc. etc. etc. For now, that fertility door is closed. But the bright and shiny adoption door is standing wide open for us... and I am SO EXCITED. :)

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