Sunday, October 28, 2012

Two Years Ago...

Yesterday marked the day two years ago when we were approved to adopt, our profile was published online at ... and we began the waiting-to-be-matched phase. I remember being so excited! But at the same time, having absolutely no idea how long we'd have to wait or what we should be doing to make it go any faster. We were told the average wait for a couple through LDS Family Services was 2 - 2 1/2 years. We were told childless couples get picked faster. And that interracial couples get picked even faster. But each situation is different.

Our caseworker was confident we were going to be chosen within a couple months. We were supposed to be re-assigned to another branch of the agency after a re-drawing of some boundaries, but she was so certain that things would move quickly that she held onto our case and worked with us while others got re-assigned. Zay, on the other hand, was so pessimistic that anything would happen at all... I felt like I was stuck in the middle, wanting to be optimistic but wondering if Zay was right and this would all prove fruitless?

Rather than just sitting around and passively waiting, I was going to make "Hoping to Adopt" pass-along cards with a picture of us and our contact info to leave at doctors' offices and hospitals or wherever else I could think of to possibly have our card fall into the hands of a girl considering adoption.

I was going to spread the word through all our family and friends and tell them to pass it along to all their family and friends, so that eventually the right girl would learn about us and feel a connection.

As open as I am, it's hard to be that open. To be that vulnerable. To have that many people all up in your business. But the end result was worth more than the lack of privacy and the shameless self-promoting. And the journey itself felt like it taught us more about honesty, humility, and love than a lifetime of experiences. We found our son. And we want to experience that again, no matter how heart-wrenching it will be.

We were contacted by several expectant mothers rather quickly the first time. Our total "waiting" time - from approval to placement (leaving the hospital and taking Kal home with us) - wasn't even 5 months. The question in my mind this time around is whether things will go as quickly? I don't have anything to compare it to other than Kal's adoption. I want it to go quickly - not because I feel like I'm ready, because I DON'T... but because a long wait would be agonizing and I don't think my tender heart could take it.

Our goal is to be approved by the end of the year... 5 months after that would be May 2013. Could we really have another child by then?! A crazy thought.

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