Thursday, October 18, 2012

Uncertainty in Adoption


We have some friends who are pursuing surrogacy right now to start their family. It is SO interesting to me! I'm pretty positive that adoption is our path for now, but I read about everything. Fertility treatments are still one of my top research topics. I just find the whole thing fascinating. And I hound all my friends about their babymakin'  details. Ha ha. I'm like, "Did you get your eggs harvested yet? Yay!" So weird, I know. But that's just my thing. Anyways, it interests me that the uncertainty of adoption is what made them pursue surrogacy instead when they were originally planning to adopt. It got me thinking.

There are a lot of things to think about during the adoption process. Extra worries that just come with the territory. Here are some of the "things to worry about when trying to adopt" that are just off the top of my head:

  • Will we get approved?
  • How long will it take to get approved?
  • Will we be able to afford all the fees related to adoption?
  • How long will the wait be?
  • When will we be contacted by expectant parents?
  • What should we be doing in the "waiting to be matched" phase?
  • How many expectant parents will we talk to before being matched?
  • What will be the age, race, and possible disabilities of the child we're matched with?
  • What if we are chosen and the birth mother miscarries?
  • Will the birth father be involved?
  • What if the birth father isn't exactly known?
  • Will everyone be supportive of the adoption (on our side and the birth family's side)?
  • Will we be able to bond to a child that isn't biologically related to us or doesn't really look like us?
  • How will the siblings respond to each other?
  • Will we face failed adoptions or expectant parents who change their mind last minute?
  • What state will our child come from and what will be the revocation period (time period after signing relinquishment papers during which birth parents can change their mind)?
  • Will we have to travel a lot?
  • What if the birth parents want more/less contact with us than we feel comfortable with? 
  • What if the baby is premature or has complications?
  • Will the baby be healthy?
  • How will we handle disappointment?
  • What if it doesn't go as we hoped? 
  • Are we prepared to explain adoption to a child?

Worrying about miscarriage and the health of the baby are universal when trying to add to your family, no matter how you're doing it, but adoption does add a few more uncertainties in there to throw you for a loop. I'm a classic over-worrier, but at this very moment I'm not worried! I've learned that the only question that matters is WHO. Who will we rely on? God first, each other second. If we have that down, none of the rest matters. It will just all fall into place.

This is my naive, optimistic view of things at the moment! We'll see if it's all rainbows and butterflies through the rest of the process. :)


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks! I love that you're part of our cheering section! :)


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