Sunday, November 18, 2012

Dream Interpretation: A Failed Adoption


I had a dream that Kal's birth mother was pregnant again.

We found out right at the end of her pregnancy and she told us that she wanted us to adopt the baby so that she (it was a girl) could be with her half-brother. She was so confidant in her decision and we felt like she already knew us, that I wasn't anxious about the situation at all. It felt certain... like "of course, we will be there."

I was at work (some kind of important office job) when she went to the hospital, so I didn't rush there. Even though it must have been at the end of a work day, because the whole dream took place at night. Zay and Kal were with her, though. I hesitated for awhile and then I suddenly felt like I needed to be there and I shouldn't be procrastinating getting to the hospital - that I was overconfident that this was going to go positively.

She had given birth before I got there. She had a little girl. She was beautiful! Absolutely no hair and the palest skin. She looked like a porcelain doll. Zay was taking care of her, cradling her in his arms in another room, although I could see him. I was wandering around the halls of the hospital, looking at things (art on the wall or something like that).

Then I was suddenly aware that she had changed her mind about us. I might've gotten a phone call from Zay or it was announced over the hospital's intercom or something. I then immediately went to go see her. She was laying on the hospital bed still. For some reason, childbirth had given her two broken arms (holy cow!). I saw her and I immediately burst into tears. It was some gut-wrenching crying. I'm surprised I didn't cry out in my sleep. She wouldn't look me in the eye. She was upset with me. She acted like she just didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like a failure.

Sitting with her was this blond and blue-eyed couple who she had met in the hospital. They had crossed paths with her in the hallway or in an elevator or something and had a conversation with her about how they wanted to adopt and she had decided that she met them for a reason and was going to place her daughter with them. She had liked the way they had complimented the baby on how beautiful she was. They were kind and soothing to her and paid no attention to me, like I wasn't even in the room. I tried my best to hug her with her two broken arms in casts and raised above her head. It was awkward and she never looked at me.

I saw Zay holding this little baby girl. He was okay with everything and was just enjoying the time he was going to get with her before she was taken away. I was devastated and was crying my eyes out. Kal was there, but I don't remember what he was doing. But his presence was felt. Briefly I got angry and thought to myself that she would never get to see Kal again. Then I realized she must've known that when she made her decision, but she still did it. I was dumbfounded. And no longer angry. I just crumpled up and cried on the hospital floor.

Any interpretation ideas?

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