Saturday, December 29, 2012

Adoption: Preferences (Gender, Race, etc.)

Kal, video gaming it

The #1 question we get when we tell people that we're going to adopt again is about whether or not we're going to "try for a girl." The short answer is, "No."

I guess it's kind of like asking a pregnant woman if she hopes it's a girl. Not actually like asking a couple who is trying to conceive if they are trying for a girl. You see what I mean? Cuz that would be kind of weird.

So, I'll answer the first question: We don't care either way.

We already have a boy, so a girl would be new and exciting and would round out our family nice. Zay would be head over heals in love with a little girl (and that would be!). He will just melt and I can see him being wrapped around her little finger. And I would looooove to do my daughter's hair, of course! I think a girl would be different and... a challenge. But a welcome challenge, for sure.

At the same time, we know boys well and another boy would fit in just as perfectly. We can handle boys, we know what boys are all about. We don't have much experience with girls, so a boy would be comfortable. Plus, we already have so many boy clothes that it would be easy to have a boy. Kal would have someone he could roughhouse with.

Either way, Kal is so ready to have a sibling. I'm starting to think he thinks the cats are his baby brothers with the way he gently pets them and gives them kisses before bed. Lol. I'm sure he's bored to death with me all day everyday! Ha ha. I ask him all the time, "Are you sick of this face yet??" He's not. He can be such a mama's boy. But still, I don't want him to grow up "alone." 

There are other "choices" when it comes to adopting though, besides gender. Race, for one. Seriously, you can pinpoint exactly what race you would accept or not... even partial race. Like, you will accept a half-Hispanic child, but not a full-Hispanic child. So weird. I've already talked about that here - we said that we would accept a child of any race, no matter the "mixture."

Another choice is age of the child. Most likely we will get a newborn, but there are some instances when older children come to LDS Family Services (not often - they usually end up in Foster Care). We would like a child who is younger than Kal, but we won't be picky. If we do get an older child, I'm sure there's a grieving process over those "missing" months that we didn't get to have with him/her (we already miss out on the pregnancy), so it would be difficult... but doable.

You can also say whether you would accept multiples (twins, etc.) or a sibling group. A sibling group would probably mean at least one of the kids is older. We are open to it and will cross that bridge if we have to. I for one would never want to separate biological siblings if it wasn't necessary.

Another choice is physical/mental impairments and the conditions surrounding the birth. This checklist is FOREVER long, and we really had to think about some of the things we would be willing to accept. I think only 3 or 4 impairments we were confident that we would not be capable of handling. The rest we said, "Yes." Whatever situations are placed in front of us, we'll pray about them and make choices as we go along as to whether it's an opportunity we'd like to pursue or if it just wouldn't blend well with our family dynamic. Mostly, the concern is for the child. If we don't think we can take care of a child with AIDs, then I don't think we should sign up for it, you know?

We may be opening ourselves up to some pretty sticky situations that will have to be handled delicately, but we'll trust God and let Him lead us to the right match for our family. We might have to make some really hard decisions, but that's okay. It's worth it. And it may be smooth sailing, who knows? We shall see.

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