Saturday, April 27, 2013

Hypothetically Speaking...

My heart & soul right here. :)

We heard back from our caseworker that she had finally touched base with D's caseworker. She confirmed all the details we already knew. It was nice to hear, though. Nope, not a scammer. Yep, she's really liking us as a potential adoptive family.

Then we waited some more.

I knew D had a lot of stuff going on in her life and that making a decision about who will raise your child is probably one of the most difficult decisions you could make. So I didn't panic about not getting a response to my email just yet. There was plenty of time and as much as I'd like to say Pick Me! Pick Me! It really isn't my place to even think I know enough about her or her situation to try and make her decisions for her. I didn't know how far she'd gotten with decision-making. I didn't know if she was setting a timeline for herself to decide or if she would need to meet us first or whatever. Didn't have a clue.

Then we got a call from our caseworker saying D was trying to decide between us and one other family and she'd get back to us when she knew more. I felt eerily calm with that information. There really wasn't a rush. July seems so far away in adoption terms. She has plenty of decision-making time ahead of her if she wants it. And she knows what she's looking for in a family. If it's us, it's us. If it's not, it was for the best. Part of going into adoption is having to know that your future is pretty much out of your hands. There's a peace that comes with that when you learn to let go.

Hypothetically speaking, if it worked out... that is absolutely AWESOME! Another newborn baby boy? Yes, please! A trip to Louisiana? Yes, please! Another beautiful birth mom to claim as family? Yes, please! A little brother for Kal? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. I will love the heck outta that little boy. Ha ha ha. And Zay wants enough sons to start a basketball team!

My calmness confused me at first, though. I thought maybe I was being prepared for the eventual "she chose another family" phone call I was starting to think was sure to come. It's really hard to know. I thought maybe that's why she wasn't answering my email. I asked too many detailed questions, I scared her away. I don't know. Maybe I'm just learning to deal with the stress of adoption better.

If it didn't work out... it's okay. Our 9th wedding anniversary is in July, so let's plan a big vacation get-away and go somewhere we've never been!!! Zay and I stayed up late one night, talking about the what-ifs and making potential plans. Take Kal to the beach for the first time, relax in the sun and read as many books as I want, eat great food, spend hours and hours of free time talking and laughing with the hubby? Yes, please! Also, it never works out the first time, right? How lucky would we be? Seriously. I'm sure the other family she's considering is amazing. And our child will come to us soon, I just know it. We need a vacation, so either way we'll have something to look forward to in July. Best idea ever. :)

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