Sunday, June 9, 2013

Adoption: The Range of Emotions

Back in January when we got approved to adopt, I breathed a sigh of relief... getting over that first hump is tedious. That's also the part you can control to some extent, so moving from paperwork to approved-and-waiting is a relief, a letting go of control. It's a no-longer-in-our-hands, leaving-it-to-God kinda feeling.

Then there's the waiting. You have to just move on with life as if a baby isn't going to be coming anytime soon, but at the same time be prepared for a baby to come any day. That's a conflicted, almost anxious feeling. But I forced it to the background, and filled my days with good causes and lots of fun time with the family I already have. Only every once in awhile would it cross my mind and make me wonder how long we were going to wait.

Finally, we heard from someone. Exciting! Yay! I love meeting expectant moms and getting to know them. It brings hope. Reading that first email made me super happy, and it reminded me that the wait wouldn't be forever. That the right situation would eventually come around, whether it be this one or another one down the road. That's a comforting feeling. :)

The getting-to-know-you phase is interesting. For me, I want to know everything. All the details. And there's an empathy I feel for a girl/woman who is faced with a very complicated set of circumstances and is looking to adoption for her sake and for the baby's sake. It's not an easy road to choose adoption for your child. Each story I hear makes my heart break. I've heard potential adoptive couples discuss adoption as if there's only a baby to be gotten out of it, not realizing there's a mother attached to that baby. A mother who is making an incredible sacrifice. To me, that just has to be respected and understood first and foremost.

Then there was a calmness. I knew we would be okay whether we were "chosen" or not. It would happen eventually and whatever happened would be perfect. And D is wise enough to make the decision that's right for her. Everything would work out in the end. God has His hand in all of this.

When we were officially matched, my first feeling was... wait, wait, wait - are you sure? That went way too fast! And an overwhelming humbled feeling that we could possibly be on the receiving end of such a gift. Then confusion as the details are being ironed out, making sure everyone is on the same page... caseworkers and lawyers and everyone in between.

Enter planning mode. Gotta get things ready! Attacking the to-do list and picking up the pace. Gotta do this, this, this, and that! Boom, boom, boom. O... m... g... I think I'm terrified. Lol. Last time, I was terrified for a good portion of the time, but for different reasons. It felt like my entire chance at parenthood was riding on adoption working out, and I was terrified that it wouldn't and I'd come out of it emotionally broken and empty-handed, still childless. This time, I was terrified because I knew what I was getting myself into. Ha ha ha. How am I going to handle two babies??? *hyperventilating a little*

Then came that glowing happiness that comes with new life and family. Everything is going to be great. :) Kal is going to be a wonderful big brother. Zay is so excited to have another son. We were so meant to have boys, ha ha. Everyone is so excited for us and ready to meet the new little guy. Little baby Neo Jai-El Malik (oh, wait - did I say his name? ha ha ha) is going to fit right in and be the perfect little puzzle piece that's missing. How amazing is that? So grateful for adoption.

Now we're in the final countdown. Only a little over 3 weeks to go, unless he decides to make a surprise appearance. Let's hope he doesn't. I will temporarily panic. Lol.

Oh, and Kal needs a sibling yall. He really does. He's gotta be sick of us by now! :)

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