Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Everything's Gonna Be Okay

We were devastated when we were in Louisiana, waiting for an adoption that never happened... but you can only grieve for so long before you pick yourself up and just move on. We may never know what becomes of the son we never got to hold, but that's okay. He's with his mother and she'll take good care of him.

Zay took it harder than I imagined he would. He may even take the rest of this month off work just to process everything and think about what he wants out of life at this point in time. And that makes me worry if adoption is something he can handle again. But that's okay, we're not rushing back into it... that's for sure. By the end of his vacation, maybe we'll have something figured out.

I handled the whole thing just by writing, and writing, and writing. Like I always do. And I worked it out, I think. All the sweet messages and phone calls from our friends saying they were sorry made everything so much easier. I didn't want to come home when it wasn't the home I had imagined it would be - with brothers, two siblings growing up together. But knowing we have such an amazing support system helped cushion the blow.

We're back in our normal routine, other than Zay being home right now. All the adoption anxiety is gone, such a relief and a weight off our shoulders. I didn't realize how much it was stressing us until it was over. We're spending our time just loving this little family of ours. Zay's been teaching Kal to catch a football, since he's already mastered his jumpshot, ha ha. This kid is gonna be an athlete, for sure. I'm jumping right back in with my friends and Church responsibilities. And potty-training Kal. We're both easing back into taking on hair clients again. Very relaxed. Very healing atmosphere. So content with where we are. I couldn't ask for anything more.

God is so mysterious in how He directs our lives. He totally knows what He's doing, ha ha. When I think I know where things are headed, He throws us a curveball. The exact nudge we needed to get to where we are today, to learn the exact lessons we didn't even know we needed to learn. His sight is so much clearer than ours. We don't have a clue, really. Except in hindsight when we can see the paths that got us here and wonder at how He threw in so many plot twists in such a short amount of time.

Here's a few pictures of Kal and his buddies at the splash pad, enjoying his summer. Doesn't have a clue that the Louisiana trip was anything other than just a big party/vacation for him. Life continues on. Everything's gonna be okay. :)

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