Monday, October 7, 2013


I crave time away from people, away from stress and responsibility, away from noise and bright lights and distractions. A lot of times I spend my "me time" writing in my journal, which is super therapeutic and helps me process my emotions and visualize my goals better. But I've learned that I also need time where NOTHING is happening, when I'm not trying to think, and I let my brain settle and rest. I have designated time for meditation now, 3 times a week. :)

If Kal is awake, he does it with me. If it's during his nap time, even better. Because he can get restless after 3 minutes of quiet and deep breathing (like any normal toddler), and starts rustling around the room and talking. I have gotten him to relax for a full 30 minutes, though. That was nice.

We turn off all the lights and try to block as much light as possible from the room. (I was amazed by how many "lights" are constantly on: from my printer, our video game systems, the microwave, etc. - always plugged in!)

I sit on the floor and try to remain still. If Kal's with me, he'll hold my hand some of the time or I'll massage his little shoulders (until he randomly gets ticklish and giggles and rolls away from me). We sit in the pitch black for a little bit and then light a candle and stare at the flame. I love fire - something I miss while living in Utah and not really being able to go outside and make a fire whenever I want to (too dry - I might burn down the whole state). One day I'll have a fireplace. For now, I have a candle.

On my phone, I go to Youtube and search for "meditation music" and I put my phone face down on the floor while it plays (so the screen isn't visible). No talking. No other noise. Just deep breathing. I practice my calming breathing for anxiety - 4 seconds in through the nose, hold it for 7 seconds, 8 seconds out through the mouth. Kal likes this part and lets out some loud "ahhhhhs," but he'll start giggling after a little while and won't hold still enough to do it. I just ignore him.

I like to get up and do some yoga poses and stretches. The music really helps to get into it and really relax. Kal copies me. And I move the candle out of his reach so he doesn't kick it over and spill wax everywhere (that's happened). I try not to think about anything other than stretching and paying attention to my body and what's stiff. Blocking out the world and focusing inward helps my anxiety a ton. I end in corpse pose. Just lying flat on my back and staring at the flickering candlelight on the ceiling. This is when Kal crawls all over me and digs his elbows and knees into weird places until I give up and tell him to go turn on the lights. Or if I'm alone, I just lay there for as long as I want until I feel completely relaxed.

Meditation has done wonders for my sanity. For reals.

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