Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Opposite of Hypochondriac

If there's a word for "opposite of hypochondriac," then I'm that.

I remember being little and listening to some kid complain at school of being sick and I'm pretty sure I thought he was a whiny cry baby and I said, "Ain't nothing wrong with you!"

Somewhere along the line I developed into a "walk it off" type person. "It's just a cold, get over it." I never, ever think I'm sick. Or that something's wrong. Or that my body may not be functioning properly. Or that I need help. I just suck it up and deal with it, whatever it is.

Even with my infertility... I'm not infertile, I just haven't gotten pregnant in 9+ years. Lol. Nothing's wrong with me, though. That's just the way God made me. I'm perfectly fine. I don't want to hear your fertility fixes. I'M FINE.

Denial, denial, denial.

I didn't want to hear that something was wrong with me. I didn't want to put in the work to figure out my body. I didn't want a diagnosis, a label, something to actually be wrong. I'd rather be ignorant. Miserable and ignorant.

But when the symptoms add up and you ignore them long enough, there will eventually come a breaking point. I reached that right before I made a doctor's appointment to check my thyroid. And now I'm wondering how much better my life could've been up till this point had I paid attention to my health - my health specifically and what I need to feel well (not just "eat right and exercise"). It could've made a world of difference. I feel SO much better already.

There IS something wrong, I DO have a diagnosis (of both Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Hypothyroidism). I DO have insulin-resistance, which CAN lead to Type II diabetes. I DO have elevated androgen levels. I DON'T ovulate. Ignoring it DID cause severe anxiety, among other symptoms. And I'm not afraid of all that anymore. I'm not denying it anymore. I'm ready for a change.

Here's to a healthier, brighter future. :)

The best picture I could find of me right now.... ha ha ha ha. On a ride at a pumpkin patch with Kal. :)

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