It's been a tough road having to fight so hard to start a family. But all the friends we've made, the support system that has swarmed around us to lift us up, and our precious son has all been worth it. I don't know where we'd be without Kal's birth mom and all the amazing people we've met along this journey.
We want to adopt once more... and we've agreed that after one more adoption attempt, our emotional energy will be spent and we will be DONE. But we can't imagine Kal not having a sibling, so it's worth it to try one more time. Even though the last time was heartbreaking and disappointing. :(
The rest of 2013 will be spent in fundraising for the next adoption. We lost money we didn't really have to lose when we paid lawyer fees and took off work and drove across the country in July.
It was still worth it. We loved that baby and wanted so badly to meet him and hold him and call him by the name we chose for him. We wanted so badly to meet his birth mother and get to know her in person. She made it seem like she made a connection with us and that she wanted us to be the parents of her new little guy and remove him from the drama that surrounded him - drama he didn't ask to be born into. We were so, so honored that we were going to get to be the ones who were there for her when she needed someone on her side... when she needed someone there for her son.
For whatever reason, that didn't happen... I don't think we'll ever know how that story ended. And unfortunately, the money was already spent. If we want to adopt again, we have to save for it again.
I wish it wasn't about money. I wish lawyers didn't charge an arm and a leg to fill out some paperwork. It's dumb. All I really care about is that there is an almost 2-month-old baby that we'll never get to know, who we imagined a future for. And that we're left here still struggling to add to our family, but on top of that we're distrustful and scared to do this again.
But then again... I do remember how happy we were when we got to take care of Kal in the hospital right after he was born. How lucky he is to have Zay as a father. How much his birth mom means to all of us. How we got to witness the power of a woman's choice... the choice of life and the choice of adoption. No one could make those decisions but her - no one could decide what was right but her, but when she did... she stuck with it... and knew what she wanted for him and for her and for us.
That was such a beautiful time. Adoption means so much to us. But it is SO dang hard.
Sooooo, just one more time. We're going to try this one more time...
On a completely different note, we went to a birthday party recently. Here's some pics from that. :)
|Zay teaching Kal proper football-throwing form.|
|Can't really catch yet, haha.|
|Noticing me with the camera, thinking he has to pose. :)|
|We ate a LOT right before throwing the football. Hence the pot belly.|
|When he misses, he says "oh no!" and falls on the ground... this is his about-to-fall face.|
|Awesome form. But saggy britches. Soaking wet from the water slide they had set up.|
|Maybe I shouldn't put this on the blog! But I was talking and I looked over to see that his shorts had fallen down around his ankles and he was waving streamers up and down and giggling uncontrollably. I had to get a pic. Ha ha ha ha.|
|He gets crazy around his friends.|
|Laughing/screaming. Ha ha ha!|
|Zay can't make a straight face. Lol.|