Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Transracial Christian Art

I mentioned before that one of my favorite paintings is called "Hand in Hand" by Greg Olsen. I love interracial art, especially art depicting Jesus among or tending to black children.

I've always imagined my children being black. That threw me off when we were first adopting and we were matched with a full Caucasian little girl. Coincidentally, that adoption didn't pan out and every child we've been tentatively matched with since then has been black or bi-racial. I've dreamed of adopting a little black girl from the Democratic Republic of Congo. Maybe that'll still happen one day. But right now I'm thinking of a little African-American baby girl due in March who may end up being our child. I can't even wrap my head around that thought. I'm wishing and hoping that it's true, but it's not in my hands.

Here are a few of my favorite paintings that show Jesus with black children that I absolutely LOVE. I'm on the lookout for similar art if anyone knows of any.

Worth of a Soul by Liz Lemon Swindle:


For All Mankind by Liz Lemon Swindle:


Hand in Hand by Greg Olsen:







Friday, October 25, 2013

CHOSEN!

We have been matched with a woman who is making an adoption plan for her yet-to-be-born baby!!!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Actually, I've known about this match for TWELVE WEEKS and I haven't said anything about it on the blog yet. And I only just barely made the "facebook announcement." (You know, because then it's totally official.)

*gasp*

And I'll tell you why I managed to keep the secret (at least until right now... ha ha):

I've been holding this one sacred. It feels different than the last match. I feel a better connection with this expectant mother (I'll call her Miss H). I understand her better. Zay has actually reached out to her and they hold their own conversations without me. Last time, he didn't ever really establish a relationship with the expectant mother and it felt awkward. Now, he texts her and asks me every few days if I've heard from her, and tells me that this one feels different... better. He wants to know how she's doing. Both of us feel so good about moving forward with it.

"...good things fall apart so better things can fall together..."

I'm slightly afraid. Afraid to tell people about something and watch it all fall apart again. Anxious about facing the grief of a failed adoption "publicly" again. Worried I'll fall in love with a baby and an idea of how my family is going to look, but not have any guarantee that it will actually happen.

Nervous. Cautious. Over-thinking it. Feeling a lot of deja vu. Thinking, "We've heard all this before."

But more than anything, we've felt relief. Like, this is it.

Not that we know that it will work out necessarily, but that we will be done with our adoption journey after this one... whether it works out or not. And that is a huge relief! We need a good long break, indefinitely. And with that weight off our shoulders, it's like we have nothing to lose by being excited about this one. If it's gonna be our last time adopting, I just wanna go all out. Have a baby shower, decorate a nursery, fly out to meet this new expectant mother. Just go all in with it. Because what do we have to lose? It couldn't possibly hurt more to have it fall through the second time than it did the first time, right? So, here we go!

This baby is due in March, so when March comes and goes - we'll have our answer. I don't think there is anything we can do in the meantime to change the outcome. Whatever is going to happen will happen. And we will know by then. We'll know if we're adding a sweet precious little baby to our family (!!!) or we'll know that we won't. Either way, there's no point in dwelling in the what-ifs.

I'm just gonna plan like we're having a baby in March! *SQUEAL!!!*

Our failed adoption has made us slightly distrustful, but we've just had to get over it. And get over it QUICK, because adoption requires a high level of trust. She's trusting us to raise her child well and we're trusting her to be open and honest. It can't work without trust, so we're just gonna have to.

I laugh now that I was so adamant that I didn't want to talk to ANYONE making an adoption plan unless they were 36 weeks along or more! I hated the waiting last time. It was excruciating to wait and wait and wait... and then never be invited to the hospital. But this time... she was only 6 weeks along when she contacted us. And I knew right away that she was special. That this one would be different somehow. So the waiting hasn't mattered much at all. There's still 22 weeks to go in her pregnancy and I'm cool with that. :)

I worried at first that Zay wouldn't want to have anything to do with adoption after having his heart ripped out the last time. I talked to Miss H on my own for two weeks first before I talked to him about it. I went and ate lunch with him at work and just let all the details spill out. I told him to think about it and get back to me. I thought he would be hesitant at least (it had only been a few weeks since we got back from Louisiana). But he immediately agreed that this was the match for us.

Since then, I haven't been able to stop smiling. And besides a few close friends, we've been quiet about it.

Miss H assured us that we would be the first to know the gender when she made it to her 17 week ultrasound. That was last week. I was waiting anxiously to find out, because I knew in my heart it was a girl. I just wanted to hear it from her. The first thing out of Zay's mouth when I told him about Miss H and her situation was, "I bet she's having a girl." I haven't been able to picture a boy since. :)

And.... IT'S A GIRL!!!

I knew it.

Our little Superman is gonna have a little baby sister to protect. AHHHH! How amazing would that be???






Saturday, October 19, 2013

Homeschool Preschool - Getting Started

For the next 6 months or so, I'm planning to "home school" Kal. He's 2 1/2 years old and I think he's ready for a bit more structure than I've been giving him lately.

I don't know what I'm doing - I'm making it up as I go along and tailoring it to what he needs. I figure whatever I do will be beneficial this early in his life. And there's a billion resources online, so I'm just going to carve out dedicated "school" time every day with him and see where it takes me. :)

I won't be too organized. Annnnd, I may not do it every day actually. But I'll try.

Today was Day 1.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We started off singing the abc's. He actually does pretty well with this. He's got about half of it down.

We got on the computer and went to Youtube and watched the abc's:





I like the website Starfall too. So we went there and looked at the letter A.

Then we set up a little table and chair in his room as his "school" area. I drew a picture of an alligator, ant, apple, and a capital A and lowercase a. We colored them at his table. I don't know what it is about kids his age or if it's just boys or what, but he literally cannot sit still. He just runs back and forth, hops up and down, readjusts how he's sitting, and knocks stuff over. I'm just like, "Child! Can you sit still for a second please??"

I cut the pictures out and we put them on the fridge with magnets. He's fascinated with magnets lately, so just putting them on the fridge took up a good 15 minutes.

Then we went back to the computer and watched nursery rhymes about an alligator ("5 Little Monkeys") and an apple ("An Apple a Day"):





Then I found a cartoon about The Grasshopper and the Ants story (I like the old Walt Disney style cartoons):



Then I Google-searched some apples, alligators, and ants. He really liked the alligators, but he kept saying "woof, woof!" like it was a dog. Ha ha. I had to teach him that an alligator goes CHOMP, CHOMP!

Photo: www.wikipedia.com

We watched a slightly disturbing documentary about Jumping Jack Ants vs. a Huntsman Spider:



And then he got all excited and jumped off my lap and said, "Come on!" (swinging his arm in a circle to motion me to come with him) and opened the front door and took off. I soon figured out he wanted to look for ants on the sidewalk in front of our yard. Ha ha. Surprisingly (even though it's getting cold), we did find a lonely little ant carrying something and we got down on the ground and stared at it and I talked about what he was doing. I wondered to myself if ants ever got lost, because he seemed like he had no idea where he was going.

We kept on walking down the sidewalk and ended up at the park... where we played. :)

And that was Day 1 of home school preschool.




Friday, October 18, 2013

Home Births / Natural Births

Since we're on the topic of kids seeing parents naked...

I totally think that being modest and having privacy in an everyday setting is how we're going to handle things now that Kal isn't a baby anymore and he's learning about body parts and clothes, etc.

And thank you to those who shared hilarious stories of their kids walking in on them "in the act"!!! Ha ha ha ha ha! You guys crack me up.

BUT... I have to say, if/when I ever get pregnant.... And if I can summon the courage to plan the birth I've always envisioned... I would want Kal there. And nudity may be involved (of course). But I think he should most definitely be a part of my birthing experience. Him witnessing a sibling being born could be such an enriching, beautiful experience. It might help him appreciate and respect women (his birth mother for sure) and bond him to his sibling. And answer the question "where do babies come from?" for me. Ha ha.

Since I'm crazy obsessed with baby stuff (and have been for a few years now, geez!)... I seriously have imagined how I would like my birthing experience to be if I were ever to birth a child. It would be at home or a really nice birthing center. With Zay and my children and my caregivers. I'd be in a tub of warm water. Lights dim. Candles burning. Music playing. With a professional photographer and a videographer, because I would want to watch it back afterwards! I'd want people there rooting me on and making me laugh through the pain. Zay massaging my back. Being able to walk around, bounce on a ball, etc. Whatever my body needs to do rather than being tethered to a hospital bed.

Photo: www.researchingreform.net


I'm pretty sure I've romanticized this in my head and in reality I'll be in excruciating pain and yelling at everybody in the room. But let me dream, okay?! (And I know complications can arise and "birth plans" don't always work out.)

I think there's a difference between everyday nudity and having to be exposed to birth a child. That wouldn't scar him, would it? Have any of you had an older child present at the birth of a sibling? Or were YOU present at the birth of a sibling?

P.S. - I'm *not* pregnant. I'm just weird and think about this stuff a lot. ;)




Tuesday, October 15, 2013

When Should Your Child Stop Seeing You Naked?

I know some families are pretty open and unashamed when it comes to nudity. For me personally, I have decided that 2 1/2 years old is the cut-off point for children seeing their parents naked.

Kal has reached that age. So... no more streaking through the house. No more shared baths. It's time to cover up! (I guess this really only applies to us as the parents. Until he's completely potty-trained, I still expect to see his naked bum running through the house fairly often...)

Around this age is the point when he will probably start holding onto memories of his childhood. And I don't want to scar him for life. No one wants that image of their parents burned into their brains!

I think it would be a little different with a girl. Teaching her to love her body and not be ashamed of it might be a little trickier while teaching her about modesty and privacy. But with our knucklehead little boy, I think now is the time for everyone to keep covered up in general.

We're gonna have to start being a little more modest around here. And locking our bedroom door. ;)

Speaking of things that may "scar" him... We'll never stop kissing in front of him, though. Sorry, buddy! You're gonna grow up with the mushiest parents around. Better get used to it! I think it's healthy for him to see us show each other affection, whether he ends up thinking it's gross or not. Ha ha. :)


Photo: www.ToLoveHonorAndVacuum.com


EDIT: I didn't put much thought into this post, just ramblings in my head. But a few months later I read a blog post that summed up what I was trying to say better than I did - go read it!: The Naked Question




My 28th Birthday

My husband (bless his heart) always tries to buy me something or do something he thinks would make me happy on my birthday. I don't know how many times he's gotten me flowers or tried to spend money on me... and I just give him THE LOOK.

I told him this year I wanted to go to the library and read all day. I had to repeat this a few times to make sure it really sunk in. I don't know if he thinks I'm trying to pull some reverse psychology on him or what, but he never really believes me when I specifically say what I want.

This year, he listened! Ha ha ha. He didn't spend a dime and I spent like 6 hours at the library, writing and reading. It was great. :)

This is the only picture I took that day:


Very happy bday to me! :D




Thursday, October 10, 2013

*Cornrows by Alice Anne* - Part XI

What I love about doing hair is that I get to meet and establish relationships with SO many different people. MMA fighters (guys and girls), athletes from local colleges, little kids (many kids who were adopted), guys headed to the club, professional dancers (mostly guys), actors, Zumba girls, etc. It's just fun to get to interact with such a range of people all in a short period of time. And they come to me, so I don't even have to leave my front door. Some of them I can't even imagine I'd have ever met if I didn't do their hair, but many are such good friends now. Especially my fellow adoptive mamas. I love having such an awesome adoption community surrounding me.

Something about being a stylist gets people to talk to you about anything and everything, so I get my fill of talking (I love to talk, talk, talk), and unlike many stay-at-home moms... I get to have daily interaction with adults (adult conversation is one of those most-missed things when people become stay-at-home parents). And Kal gets daily interaction with other kids without me even having to try. It's just always a busy house around here, people coming in and out all day.

I love that Kal sees that we work hard. For a lot of people, their kids never see them working. Just that they left to "go to work," but Kal sees firsthand what it looks like for his parents to be working and making money to support the family. I hope that helps to instill a good work ethic in him. I'm sure once he's old enough, he'll be taught to cut hair. Zay can pass on the barber skills. :)

It's also nice that Kal gets to socialize so much. With other kids and with adults, all the time. He always thinks people are coming over just to see him. He thinks he's so special, ha ha. (Well, he is!)

Who knows where we'd be if we didn't have the talent to do hair! We definitely wouldn't have made as many friends as we have during all this time living in Utah. It's taught me a lot about being social, helped me put into practice the business skills I learned in college, and helped me appreciate and have confidence in one of my talents. It's taught Zay and I to work together as a team. It's provided us with the money to get me through college and now it's getting Zay through college as well.

When I'm exhausted and tired of being on my feet at the end of the day, I try to remember these things. :)





















Monday, October 7, 2013

Meditation


I crave time away from people, away from stress and responsibility, away from noise and bright lights and distractions. A lot of times I spend my "me time" writing in my journal, which is super therapeutic and helps me process my emotions and visualize my goals better. But I've learned that I also need time where NOTHING is happening, when I'm not trying to think, and I let my brain settle and rest. I have designated time for meditation now, 3 times a week. :)

If Kal is awake, he does it with me. If it's during his nap time, even better. Because he can get restless after 3 minutes of quiet and deep breathing (like any normal toddler), and starts rustling around the room and talking. I have gotten him to relax for a full 30 minutes, though. That was nice.

We turn off all the lights and try to block as much light as possible from the room. (I was amazed by how many "lights" are constantly on: from my printer, our video game systems, the microwave, etc. - always plugged in!)


I sit on the floor and try to remain still. If Kal's with me, he'll hold my hand some of the time or I'll massage his little shoulders (until he randomly gets ticklish and giggles and rolls away from me). We sit in the pitch black for a little bit and then light a candle and stare at the flame. I love fire - something I miss while living in Utah and not really being able to go outside and make a fire whenever I want to (too dry - I might burn down the whole state). One day I'll have a fireplace. For now, I have a candle.

On my phone, I go to Youtube and search for "meditation music" and I put my phone face down on the floor while it plays (so the screen isn't visible). No talking. No other noise. Just deep breathing. I practice my calming breathing for anxiety - 4 seconds in through the nose, hold it for 7 seconds, 8 seconds out through the mouth. Kal likes this part and lets out some loud "ahhhhhs," but he'll start giggling after a little while and won't hold still enough to do it. I just ignore him.


I like to get up and do some yoga poses and stretches. The music really helps to get into it and really relax. Kal copies me. And I move the candle out of his reach so he doesn't kick it over and spill wax everywhere (that's happened). I try not to think about anything other than stretching and paying attention to my body and what's stiff. Blocking out the world and focusing inward helps my anxiety a ton. I end in corpse pose. Just lying flat on my back and staring at the flickering candlelight on the ceiling. This is when Kal crawls all over me and digs his elbows and knees into weird places until I give up and tell him to go turn on the lights. Or if I'm alone, I just lay there for as long as I want until I feel completely relaxed.

Meditation has done wonders for my sanity. For reals.




Dear Malik

It's been 3 months since you were born and we still haven't heard anything about you, other than what the lawyer told us: "he's healthy and beautiful." Your mother hasn't spoken to us since we let her know what day we were leaving to travel for your birth and she said "ok." We traveled to see you. Your mother had wanted us there. She told me she wouldn't have anyone at the hospital there to support her. I really hope that didn't end up being the case - I hope someone was there with her. I hope her family came to celebrate your birth. Every child deserves to be celebrated.

For a time that really broke my heart - that she wouldn't think to let us know that you were healthy, that she was doing well, or any news at all. We cared about you both and to be disregarded like that really hurt. I tried to build a relationship with her in the months before you were born, but she was closed off and distant, only reaching out to us by email and never being entirely open. We respected her requests for privacy, even when it hurt to be left out and not seen as family. She wanted us to raise you and be your parents. To share such a intimate parent-love for the same child? To me that would instantly qualify us as family... But we weren't really a part of the story, even when we thought we were. Even when she said we were.

We thought the wall she had built between us would crumble once we got there. We thought maybe... just maybe... everything would somehow magically fall together and there would be this perfect moment of bonding among the four of us (plus Kal). New life has a way of doing that. Adoption can be such a beautiful experience. We thought maybe we could ease some of the hesitation that was keeping your mother from opening up to us. Once she met us and got to know us. But, we weren't given the opportunity. She closed the door before that could even happen. And we were left with plenty of questions, no answers, and a sick feeling in our stomachs.

All we know is that you were born only a few miles from our hotel and we never got to hold you. Didn't get the call that you were on your way. Never got to see you. And that your mother at one point in time said "Malik" is what she wanted to name you. You were "Neo" to us, but I'm assuming she named you what she had been thinking... and that she decided somewhere along the line that she could parent you and that she would do just fine. We don't know when that decision was made or what made her keep that information from us, but we respected her choice and we left... with a short parting email to your mother apologizing that she didn't feel like she could talk to us when she was having second thoughts. The silence since then has been deafening.

There were many reasons she could have changed her mind and we've speculated about what could have happened, but that's all we've been able to do - speculate. And wish you and your family all the best.

We left you there and were forced to move on, but we will never forget you - the child we had in our hearts but never got to meet. We imagined a future for you. We fought over naming you. We stayed up late at night wondering what you would look like and how we would teach Kal how to handle a new baby. I was so excited for you two to meet! Zay and I prayed for your mother, because she seemed so desperate to save her current relationship and to remove you from the drama. We wanted her to find peace and happiness. She must've found it with you. I hope the silence means you're being adored over and loved and taken care of. I hope all the concerns your mother had for you are being resolved now that you're here.

I don't know why you aren't here with us. We really don't even know where you are now and who you are with. We are just guessing. But I am SO SORRY I couldn't be your mom. I am SO SORRY I couldn't be there for you when we should've been there. We weren't invited. And I feel like I let you down. My mother heart grieves for you every day. I will not have the chance to watch you grow up. You won't get to know Kal. And that's a shame. He would've loved you to death and been an amazing and protective older brother, but for now he doesn't even know you exist. When he's older, he will know. We will tell him about how we almost adopted you, but for some reason it didn't work out.

We don't know you... we won't know you... we only know a handful of details, really. But that was enough for us to fall in love and enough to leave a lasting impression. As we move on with our lives, we'll always remember you. We hope you are safe. You must be. I'm sure your mother wouldn't have let us leave without you if you weren't.

With love,
Alice Anne & the fam








Thursday, October 3, 2013

Thyroid Doctor's Appointment

My multi-vitamin (prenatal vitamins are awesome ANY time), fish oil, Nature Throid, and Vitamin D drops.

I went in to talk about my lab test results with my doctor to see what insights she had for me and to get a prescription for thyroid medication (which I knew I would need).

I'm so glad I did so much research before I entered her office, because I knew she actually knew what she was talking about! She made me feel comfortable, cared about my symptoms, and was spot on with the numbers I wanted to shoot for on my labs. She didn't just go by the "normal" ranges. She said she wanted me to have a TSH level MUCH closer to 1 (mine was close to 5) rather than just getting it to 4.5 (considered "normal"). And she wanted my T3 and T4 hormones higher, even though the tests came back in the "normal" ranges. As I listened to her explain all this (and I acted like I didn't know anything), I thought to myself, Yay! I don't have to fight with an incompetent doctor to get good treatment!

She also recommended the exact thyroid medication that I thought would be the best to take (Nature Throid), but told me about all of them and asked which one I had a preference for.

I also liked that she was more worried about my nutrition and my Vitamin D levels than just medicating me, which is totally what I was looking for. Fixing my Vitamin D level (mine was REALLY low) will do a lot for my thyroid health anyway. Vitamin D deficiency can cause thyroid problems, which in turn can cause a myriad of hormonal problems, including anxiety and infertility.

Since my TSH was too high, but not severely high... I may be able to make some changes in my diet, including taking Vitamin D drops daily, and actually be able to get away with only taking the thyroid medication temporarily. Most people have to take it for the rest of their life. How amazing would it be to avoid that?? I'm not counting on it, but I'm already trying to make changes in my eating and exercising habits that I know I'll be able to stick with long-term. Just in case that does the trick and I can use natural remedies to correct my thyroid function rather than medication. It doesn't appear that I have an auto-immune disease, so that is GREAT!

My doctor asked me if I wanted to treat my thyroid aggressively (if I was trying to conceive), but I told her I wasn't trying to get pregnant yet and I wanted to take my time and gradually increase the medication until we find the right dose. She listened to me and actually agreed with that approach. It was nice to know she'd be a good resource when/if I try again to get pregnant, but for now I'm just trying to get healthy. And make permanent changes in the way I approach my health.

Nature Throid comes in grams and I'm taking 1/2 a gram a day. I have to actually cut my pills in half because they didn't come any smaller than that at the pharmacy I went to. I'll get my labs done again at the beginning of December to check on my progress. *crossing my fingers everything improves and I feel better!*

Side note: Everyone should get their thyroid tested... and their Vitamin D. Especially if you're a woman trying to conceive or just found out you're pregnant. Seriously. Do it. Ask your doctor.

Another side note: If you're taking a thyroid medication, remember to take it at the same time everyday. Make sure you take it at least an hour after and an hour before eating (I take it in the morning right when I wake up and then I don't eat for an hour while I'm getting ready for the day and doing morning chores). And take it at least 4 hours away from any other medication or vitamins (I don't even take mine with tap water if it has fluoride in it). They can affect the thyroid medication's absorption.




Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Empowered


Part of the reason I didn't try harder to get pregnant when I was facing infertility was because the thought of growing a human inside of me and birthing it scared the living crap out of me!! (That's not the only reason, but definitely one of them.) I've come to learn that I'm not the only one who has ever felt that way. Birthing is supposed to be like the most painful thing anyone normally ever has to go through in their life. What person in their right mind wouldn't be a little afraid of that? The pain, the uncomfortableness, the way it changes your body, the risks?? (Big shout out to Kal's birthmom for enduring what she did - you go, girl!)

Then there are stories of traumatic birthing experiences (that I won't even go into) that would terrify any sane person. Seriously.

On top of that, the whole process has just always felt alien to me... literally. Like, there's an alien/leech/parasite growing inside your body?! And it moves around. And drains you of your energy and makes you get fat and waddle around until it bursts forth out of you on its own timing. Beyond bizarre!

I think part of the problem of not entirely being comfortable with the idea of being pregnant and birthing a child comes from having no experience with it whatsoever. Growing up, I didn't have a community of women around me getting pregnant and having children and showing me that it's a natural process that is beautiful and empowering. No one in my family, none of my friends, I don't remember my own mother being pregnant with my younger brother, none of my neighbors, no one at church. It was seriously a foreign thing to me.

Lately, I've definitely felt differently about it all. In fact, I'm obsessed with it. Every pregnant woman I see at church... I hound with questions and want to know all about it. I voluntarily watch birthing videos. I suddenly see women who give birth as WARRIOR WOMEN. Look at what women's bodies were created to do! O...m...g. That's fierce.

I got to attend the Empowering Fearless Birth Event in Provo a couple weekends ago. (I was a vendor there with The Fat Squid.) There were classes for anything and everything about pregnancy, birth, and even adoption (woot! woot!) to help the next generation of mothers not be afraid to make decisions regarding their pregnancy and birth and to be confident in those decisions. I loved the concept. More women DO need that community of women supporting each other and helping each other through pregnancy and birth. I sure didn't have it before moving to Utah - the percentage of pregnant women here is ridiculously high. Everywhere I turn I see a pregnant woman (which killed me when I was in the depths of infertility sadness). Now I just look around and see what an amazing community of women I have around me... warrior women who I want to learn from.


There were classes about home births, which I think sound so so wonderful. A friend who came with me had a home birth and she's totally friggin' awesome. I wanna be like her when I grow up. Ha ha.


There were lots of midwives and doulas present. Men came too! Lots of daddies-to-be these days are learning to be more supportive during the birthing process, even becoming doulas themselves. I think that's amazing. :)

I even talked to a vendor about placenta encapsulation and was just in awe that we can CONSUME the placenta after birth. Ewwwwww! (But so cool! Ha ha!) K, here's a sweet little tidbit of information for you, in case you've ever wondered what placenta tastes like - I asked this particular vendor (because they do placenta smoothies as well) and she told me, "I'm gonna be honest with you - it tastes kind of metallic." ....*gag*....

There was lots of talk about healing from previous traumatic experiences with pregnancy and birth. Lots of supportive advice and information. I loved being surrounded by so many strong, empowered, and inspiring women! When women support other women and share in each other's grief and celebrations of life, I can't think of anything more moving and powerful. I attended a class on grief that (of course) had me in tears, but uplifted me as well. And made me realize we are all in this together as women - we all grieve, we all suffer loss, we all need each other.

AND I totally sat in front of a room full of people and (voice shaking) told an abbreviated version of my adoption story. And I survived. Ha ha. I do NOT speak in front of people. I'm a writer, not a speaker... that's for sure! But lately I've been trying to teach myself to get way, way, way out of my comfort zone in order to learn and grow as a person. And it's working. I think I'm stronger because of it. Who knows what I might be capable of if I keep this up? :)

The Fat Squid Vendor Booth Giant Squid Stuffed Animals Empowering Fearless Birth Event Provo
The Fat Squid's vendor booth





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