Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The Final 10 Weeks of Our Trying-to-Adopt Journey

This week Miss H is 30 weeks along!

It's been 24 weeks of getting to know her through emails, texts, and phone calls. Only 10 more weeks to go in her pregnancy and I'm sooo nervous!

I'm nervous for her, mainly. I want her to be comfortable and the pregnancy is super UNcomfortable for her right now. And she's been depressed and I wish there was something I could do to alleviate that. Trying to get her into proper counseling has not gone over well. So, I don't know. Talking to her, I'm just confused as to why she doesn't accept help.

I was totally right when I said that the waiting is the hardest part and that adoptive parents and expectant moms considering adoption shouldn't be "matched" early on in the pregnancy. But, for some reason we both felt it was the right thing to do to proceed with this situation. So here we are, waiting and hoping.

But this time around, I know for a fact that we will survive if it doesn't work out. We've been there, done that...
  • We know more than ever before that an adoption decision is not an easy one for a mother to make.
  • We know our marriage is stronger than it's ever been at this point and we can weather anything that comes our way.
  • We know our life with Kal is amazing just as it is and all we could really ask for.
All we're worried about is Baby Girl and her mother, no matter what Miss H ultimately decides. It's hard to explain, but something about these stories - what brings someone to an adoption decision - brings out all the empathy in the world from me. And brings out the tenderness in Zay. We want the best for Miss H. I hope she can reach all the goals she has for herself after this pregnancy and adoption. I hope she can be strong and face head-on all the challenges that are still to come.

We decided we're done trying to adopt an infant domestically after this and that is SUCH a huge relief. To know that in 10 weeks time, this crazy emotional journey of adding to our family in this way will be over... WHEW. I'm ready to close this chapter. We still think international adoption and foster-to-adopt will both be a part of our future. And trying fertility treatment again. But for now, we need the break from "trying." This whole thing can be excruciating sometimes.

I started this blog back in 2009 when we were first trying to adopt. Man, it's been a long journey. If every woman who thought we ought to be the parents of her child had actually followed through with that, we'd have 5 kids already (plus this one on the way!)... so, it's been confusing and heartbreaking trying to figure out what paths to take and accepting when they weren't the right ones. Our failed adoption last year was certainly the hardest to get over and the only one I'd really classify as a "failed adoption," because it fell through at the last minute.

It's been EXHAUSTING. But, it's almost over! Only 10 weeks to go and we'll have an answer about whether or not we'll have a daughter. Only 10 weeks to go and we'll be back in the South again. Only 10 weeks to go and we'll be able to relax and move forward with our lives, either as new parents (again!!) or with the realization that it'll just be the 3 of us for a good long while. Either way will work for us - we just wanna know for sure! ... ONLY 10 WEEKS!

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