Friday, February 7, 2014

Easier This Time

A few months ago, I wondered how I would feel if this adoption fell apart. And then it did. And I braced myself for the emotional turmoil. I think I spent a day of self-pity and worked through some anger about it all. But it definitely has felt much different this time around.

We're so glad we didn't travel first before finding out the news that this wouldn't be our daughter after all. Being home made everything so much easier, because our lives weren't put on hold. We just kept going the way things were before... and I love my life and family the way it is, so it wasn't disappointing to continue on.

We feel relieved that it's over, that we got a clear answer, and that we weren't left in the dark about what happened like we were last time. We respect her change of heart, although we don't agree with the reasons for it. But that wasn't our decision to make, so it doesn't matter what we think. We get to see lots of pictures and get updates on her health in the NICU, so... we're good. Closure is coming much sooner with this one.

Focusing on gathering together a package of baby things for Miss H is also personally helping me to move on. It's not like we didn't have an attachment to this child and her mom, so I wanted to do something for them to make this transition a little easier. I feel like it's the right thing to do. I'm actually quite excited about it and I know it will make a difference for her. :)

We're not sure where we go from here, but I'm totally fine NOT having a plan for once.

This is an important year for us! We're celebrating our 10th Anniversary this summer, so I'm thinking we need to do something for ourselves. Take a little time for rest and healing and renewing. I'd much rather be thinking about that than hypothetical future babies! For serious.

Wedding Day 2004 ... Love this guy! ;)

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