Monday, February 3, 2014

I Am Blessed

I know that:
  • God accepts our sacrifices in wanting to be parents, wanting to adopt, and wanting to do it ethically.
  • Being infertile is a trial we have to face in this life, but to have a son despite that is a miracle!
  • Miss H appreciates how kind and respectful we've been to her with her decision-making. Hopefully now that she's sure she wants to parent Baby Girl, we can still contribute to her life in a positive way and help her get on her feet.
  • I love my family just the way it is and have been enjoying every moment of the present lately. "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalms 118:24).
  • The future is a mystery, but if we keep living faithfully we are bound to have some amazing experiences and have the ability to adapt to whatever life throws our way.
  • I am blessed.
It didn't take long for the dominant feeling in our household to be relief. Having this adoption fall through at the beginning of the year while we're still in Resolution/Clean Slate mode has just felt right. Freeing. No tears shed here, surprisingly (yet). Maybe because it wasn't a surprise. I'm pretty sure our first words to each other were a very sarcastic, "Well, who saw that coming???"

We've spent a lot of time thinking about the next child. I know a lot of people do this. Women especially. But I don't want to look back at this time in Kal's life and feel like I wasted my energy and I missed moments. I'm a really active mom with Kal, but I want to be fully present as much as I can with him right now. He'll only be this age once and I'll only get to be a mother to him at this age once. So I'm going to be spending my time enjoying it. Making it magical for him. Embracing my family of 3 and knowing that if this is all the family I ever had, I have been blessed abundantly. And really, I couldn't ask for more.

Last night Kal asked me to go camping. Well, he kept looking up at me and saying, "Make tent. Make tent," and nodding and smiling the way he does when he comes up with a great idea. It was near midnight and he was trying to drag our HUGE 8-person tent out of the storage closet. It was like 10 degrees outside. Lol. I got him to bed because he was exhausted, but today... I'm setting that tent up in the living room. And we're going camping. Because we can.

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