Thursday, July 31, 2014

Leaving Both Doors Open

I've been talking a lot about fertility and trying to get pregnant again. And I still want to do that. Zay would love to experience the whole pregnancy thing with me. And I would love to think I have more control with trying to get pregnant than I do with trying to adopt. But honestly, as excited as I am about trying again... and as much as I feel it could work if I try long enough... we both still feel like we just can't close the door on adoption. Every deadline we give ourselves to be done with trying to adopt comes and goes and we're still here. So, right now... we're leaving both doors open. And we'll see what happens.

Our profile is up on LDSFS' website ... but with all the changes our agency is going through, we've learned that their website doesn't get much traffic and that we should branch out to other ways of networking. We were matched with Miss H through ... so we've got our profile up on there right now and I just added some new pictures to it. I paid for one month of their premium service, just to see if it helps us make any connections faster. But I'm all about the free service most of the time. But the premium service is cool, because they make little ads like these for you and give you a toll-free number:

There's a section on Adoptimist to record your adoption journey, so I wrote a post there and I'll repeat it here:


Someone's Missing

I remember before we adopted, we would try to imagine what our life would be like with kids. We had A LOT of time to think about this. We were already married 6+ years by the time we finally became parents.

Kal has been such a healing, adorable, hilarious force of nature who has swept into our lives and made it infinitely more meaningful. We couldn't have hand-picked a more perfect little guy to join our family. He was exactly what we needed and he fit in like a missing puzzle piece.

I knew he was out there somewhere. Xavier worried that we wouldn't find what we were looking for with adoption, but I remember distinctly the feeling that we had a son and he was coming soon! And that we needed to hurry up and get our adoption paperwork completed because we needed to find him! Many nights I sat up thinking/crying about how in the world it was going to happen.

Kal came to us very quickly after that and we recognized him immediately when we held him. I wasn't as emotional as I thought I would be (on the inside I was! just not outwardly). I just held him and grinned. And nervously sweated (ha ha) as we met so much of his birth family at the hospital and worried over his birthmama and how she was holding up.

For those first two years, our family felt "complete." We had all we could ever ask for, really. One huge blessing. The answer to our years of prayers was right there in front of us. Walking and talking and playing and learning. Our hearts overflowed with gratitude and love.

We enjoyed the heck out of those baby days and have grown as parents and in our marriage. Then as the dust settled and we found our groove and realized how much we really, really love being parents, we knew we wanted to do it again.

Kal deserves a sibling. He's so social and hates leaving his friends. He is so sweet and polite and would be so gentle and protective with a baby. He's full of energy and loves to play sports and run and jump and wrestle. He'd be amazing with a little brother, I know. They'd be best buddies. He doesn't have a problem with dolls and playing in my hair accessories and the movie "Frozen," either! So he wouldn't have a problem with a baby sister, that's for sure! Most of his friends at this stage are girls and he'd be amazing with a little sister, too.

We have room for more children in our hearts. We want another baby and infertility is keeping us from adding to our family. Adoption has been the answer for us and we'd love more than anything to have it all fall into place a second time the way it did with our first.

The past year of trying to adopt again has been hard. Two failed adoptions have knocked us down emotionally, but we're still here. We know there's a child for us, a birthmama who will want us to parent her baby and will follow through with her plan because it's the best choice for her and for her baby. I know it. It happened before.

There's someone missing still. We just don't know where or when he/she is coming to us. So, we wait. As patiently as we can. With open hearts.

-- Alice Anne, hopeful adoptive mom to Baby #2


xavier and alice anne hoping to adopt adoptimist

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