Friday, August 8, 2014

Love Languages



Zay & I read The 5 Love Languages out loud to each other and took the quizzes in the back to help us figure out what "love language" we're speaking. I remember learning the idea behind the love languages concept years ago, but more recently we were able to read it together and try to really apply the principles. It helped answer some questions about some of our biggest conflicts and really helped me understand what a friend of mine is going through in her marriage. Seriously, as soon as I finished the book I immediately texted her. I could see so many applications to myself and to those closest to me as I read it.

I love this book. It's so simple. It's all kind of "duh" when you read it, but people complicate love and marriage, and get so caught up in what the other person should be doing. When you realize everyone learns to love and feels love differently, your eyes are opened and you're able to consciously love someone the way they would recognize it rather than solely relying on how you think they ought to be loved. Because those two things aren't always the same. It's much simpler when you're speaking their language! If you continue speaking only in the language that makes the most sense to you, it's like banging your head against the wall.

If you're in a tough spot in your marriage and you're ready to give up, the chapter "Loving the Unlovely" spoke to me as truth. So much so that I had to share it with my friend and I really hope she reads it and takes it to heart. But you know how sometimes people don't want to change and avoid advice if it means they have to... Too many marriages are thrown away because conflicts, miscommunications, and unmet expectations in love build up until your spouse is no longer your best friend but your biggest enemy, or so it may seem. And people will quit at that point rather than realizing that that is the time to give it your all and really rely on God and the vow you made before Him.

We've learned a thing or two about what it takes to make it in marriage, but I still feel like we're young and have room to grow. It's not always pretty, but we actively work to protect our marriage and nourish it. Letting your guard down and forgetting to fill your partner's "love tank" destroys so many marriages. Leaves them cold and loveless. If your marriage gets to that point and all you feel is a dull heart and contempt for the person who is supposed to be your companion, it's so easy to walk away and break that vow. It might feel justified at that point, but the key is to prevent it. With small steps every single day. Or to realize that all is not necessarily lost. Loving someone the way they can feel it could change everything.

Marriage is work. It's commitment. It's a choice. Finding and learning to speak our "love languages" to each other helped it make a little more sense and eased some of our most common conflicts/misunderstandings. Just wanted to pass that message along and encourage everyone to grab a copy and find what language you're speaking. It's good information to know! :)

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Mine, in order of most important to least important:

Tied for 1st: Acts of Service & Quality Time
Close 3rd: Words of Affirmation

(huge gap)


4th: Physical Touch
5th: Giving Gifts

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Zay's, in order of most important to least important:

Tied for 1st: Acts of Service & Words of Affirmation
Close 3rd: Physical Touch

(huge gap)


4th: Quality Time
5th: Giving Gifts

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