Saturday, August 30, 2014

Too Much Online Sharing?

I'm an open book in my personal life. That spilled over onto the Internet, of course. Ever since a college friend back in 2006 told me I just HAD to get on this new site called Facebook. Lol. I've had online journals since then and thought our journey to adopt deserved a blog. A way to get our message out there and possibly network. And it kind of morphed into... whatever it is now.

I share tons of pictures of Kal and myself. Every once in awhile of Zay. His new motto is, "Don't social media me!" Ha ha. So I've had to limit myself. I wonder how much Kal is really gonna appreciate that (not) when he gets older and there's tons of baby pics of him online, complete with his name attached... easily searchable by his classmates. Whoops.

Sharing our "adoption story" is harder than I thought it would be because I'm not anonymous here. I want to promote open adoption, but I don't think I should share details about Kal's birth family or how our open adoption works, really. And every time we interact with someone considering adoption or get matched with someone, all the details aren't really mine to share. So... I feel stuck. Like, I want to tell a story but I probably shouldn't to protect people's privacy. (I read THIS POST that kinda got me thinking about what I share and what I don't and when I think I should get permission to share something, etc...) So I ride this line of speaking vaguely, generally about adoption topics... and I want to say more. But I don't know how or what to say. Also, when we are matched... I obviously get all excited and share how we're gonna have a baby... and then the last two have fallen through and that sucks and is embarrassing. Soooo.... there's that.

Sharing our "infertility story" is harder than I thought it would be too... because it's not just about me. Ya know? Talking about sperm analyses and things of that nature aren't really things my hubby wants me to share with the world, no matter the results. Lol. So I talk about myself, because I don't care if the world knows about my cycle (or lack thereof)... doesn't bother me in the least. Infertility is hard in real life for me because it's NOT just my problem. I'm a take control type of person and I'd go to a million doctors' appointments and be poked and prodded if that would solve the problem, but it takes two to make a baby... even with a sterile lab environment, ha. I have to think about another person before I blurt things out.

So I'm trying to decide what I'm doing and I haven't been writing here as much. But I don't want to quit blogging, so I'll figure it out.

Important updates (that I don't mind sharing - ha ha):
- I'm ending my reign as stay-at-home/ work-at-home mom: Kal started full day pre-school (that he absolutely loves and was totally right for him) and I got a job! I'm excited/nervous/super grateful for the opportunity. It's going to give me some great experience related to my education and that makes me so, so happy! I'll still be volunteering at the animal shelter on Saturdays, but will take on fewer hair appointments during the week... which I think is the direction I should go.
- The semester started up for Zay and he's still working full-time and cutting hair too, so he's busy busy. Keeping busy keeps his mind off things he wants that he doesn't have control over. To him, the best thing in the world that could happen right now is if we adopt a baby. He would quit his job so fast, lol.
- We're changing adoption agencies, from LDSFS to PACT. I think that will give us our best shot at adopting because they focus on black & interracial families, and their cost structure is similar to LDSFS. I get an "ethical" impression from them. If an adoption works out, it's back to stay-at-home daddying for Zay, which he would love... he fills that role so well. But in the meantime, we're just gonna keep going as if Kal will be our only child. That's the only way to stay sane with all the "what if's"...
- Foster care classes start next week for us. We decided to go ahead and get licensed here and see how it goes. We've had a few powerful spiritual confirmations that this is what we should do and we've got to stop the procrastinating and get started already. I have no idea if we'll even get any placements, but I want to go through the classes and get a feel for the process.
- I'm feeling healthier than I have in years. Not just physically speaking, but emotionally/ mentally/ hormonally. Focusing on taking care of myself this year has been amazing. I've pinpointed so many sources of stress and found ways to completely eliminate them from my life or go about them differently. I feel healthy and confident and optimistic again. That feels awesome! I need to include self-care on a regular basis rather than letting it all build up. Things are really good. :)

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