Saturday, November 29, 2014

Patriarchal Blessing


Zay got his patriarchal blessing earlier this month. For my LDS friends, you know how important and exciting this is! He has been holding out on getting one until he felt ready. Or worthy. Or something. That time finally came and we've got an awesome Bishop who encouraged him and got him to get the blessing now rather than put it off. Cuz he needs it now and it'll be significant for him for the rest of his life.

One of my journal entries about it, a week later:

"Zay's patriarchal blessing was so beautiful! Besides Kal not sitting still and being quiet for the whole thing, it was so perfect! I was impressed with how the Lord sees Zay. He's a choice spirit! :) It was so nice to hear. We picked up his paper copy on Saturday. It's sitting here by the computer in an envelope. My favorite part of the blessing? That more children will come to our home. Point blank, it said that. That relaxed my heart. That's the Lord's promise to us. I can calm the frick down. Because He's on our side. I have that peace and comfort now. I don't have to wonder or worry or think He's not there or doesn't care about the things that we care about. Because He has told both of us separately that we will have children in our home. More children than just Kal (not that he isn't amazing and THE BEST THING that has ever happened to us). We don't have to panic or feel like it's all on us to make something happen. Because He's made us a promise and it WILL happen. We still don't know the timing, but since we know it WILL happen, we can relax and go with the flow and know that God will fulfill His end with Perfect Timing. That's an amazingly peaceful feeling to know that. Everything is going to work together for our good and thankfully God has told us specifically that children are a part of that plan. I can stop fighting and worrying and struggling so hard. I can just be. God will be moving mountains on our behalf. I am so happy to know it doesn't have to be all in my hands. That He is still in control. Life is so much better when I remember that He hasn't for a second forgotten about me. It's not on me to make this happen alone."

Since then, I've seen him quietly reading his blessing over again. I hope it's a comfort and peace to him throughout his life like mine is for me. For those who don't know what a patriarchal blessing is, the best way I know how to describe it is that it's personal Scripture. Specifically about our individual life and purpose and promised blessings for living the Gospel. We each have a divine purpose, a specific purpose. And it's nice to get a glimpse at that and to hear God speaking directly to you... in words, on paper. To return to over and over and feel that Spirit and see yourself through God's eyes. The blessing is given by the designated Patriarch in the area - a calling, just like I was called to be a Den Leader in the Cub Scouts and Zay was recently called to be a Sunday School teacher to the 16-17 year olds. Part of the beauty of a patriarchal blessing is that most of the time the Patriarch has never even met you before. But you show up, share some pleasantries, invite the Spirit with a prayer, he lays his hands on your head and proceeds to pray a beautiful prayer over you with so much detail that you know it is from the Lord, who knows you intimately. It's a beautiful experience, that's the only way I can explain it. It's recorded and then transcribed so that you can read it later.

Zay got this blessing at a point in time when he was really struggling with our infertility and the bumps on our adoption journey. Just the week before we had taken a walk around the Church grounds and talked about how he's been feeling lately. That infertility blows. It's hard. It doesn't make sense and it's not fair. It was so nice to walk in the crunchy Fall leaves and get out all our feelings about infertility and adoption and what it can do to a person emotionally. He admitted he thought at one point in time that it was a sign of our incompatibility. Like nature didn't intend for us to be together. I took it in stride - didn't offend me. I was just glad he was opening up (more than he usually does) and letting me in on these feelings. Really hard feelings. He just wants what "everyone else" has and doesn't know why it's so hard for us. My ridiculous optimism came out and I told him our plan was going to work. We were going to adopt again AND get pregnant AND do foster care and it's gonna be awesome. Our hearts are gonna be full and our home will have lots of children one day, to the point where we're gonna wonder why we wanted so many kids up in our house!!! Lol.

It's going to happen for us. I know it. End of story. But I let him keep talking. To get it all out. And then a week later he was given such a beautiful promise. So many concerns of his were addressed so specifically in his blessing that it was like a spiritual lightning bolt hitting us in that room that day. If I wasn't grinning the whole time, I'd have been crying.

We celebrated by eating dinner with new friends - a couple from Church. Some good authentic Mexican food! And Kal fell in love with the wife - he loves pretty girls, ha ha. They played together and Kal had the time of his life like he always does, jumping on the couch with her and wrestling. We played a Pictionary-like game. It was fun! That's basically how Mormons celebrate anything - really good food and board games. Ha ha ha.

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