Friday, November 21, 2014

Surprise Pregnancies


People like to say things to me like, "It'll happen one day..." (talking about me getting pregnant) and then they'll launch into a story about how so-and-so tried for so many years and then got pregnant "when they stopped trying" or relaxed or after they adopted or just out of the blue when they "got right with God." As if whatever they're offering me as advice is the key to it all and if I would just do what they say (these people who have no expertise or connection to infertility whatsoever) that I would get what I want and they can say, "I told you so." As if I don't know what I'm doing, as if I don't pray hard enough, or that stopping trying will fix the myriad of fertility obstacles that stand in our way.

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. To stop trying. I don't believe that for a second. And relax? You think in 10 years there's never been a point in time when I've relaxed?? Lol. Relaxing doesn't cut it. Sitting back and doing nothing won't cut it either. Infertility is a medical problem, yall. Lol. Not a "you need to pray harder" problem. Or a "relax and it'll all fix itself" problem.

I know people personally who have had those "surprise" miracles. Long after they'd accepted that they couldn't get pregnant. (For example, my friend who used a surrogate and got her triplets? Spontaneous surprise pregnancy not too long after that...) I understand theoretically that it happens. But it's not helpful to have those stories shoved down my throat anytime I mention infertility. Because DUH, I understand that it only takes a one-time alignment of the right hormones, one sperm and one egg meeting to make a pregnancy. I GET THAT. But holding out hope for things to magically align once without any effort on my part sounds like insanity. I want more chances than that.

It can happen. I get it. But the odds are against us. Think about it... we've been trying for TEN YEARS. My body just doesn't understand the concept of pregnancy.

Waiting around for it to happen while I relax sounds like resigning. Nope, not gonna do that. That's for quitters and lame-o's. I will keep fighting for my future babies.

I'm focusing on my job right now... and I have no idea what path will actually bring us our next child, but I'm not going to sit back and "relax" and wait for it to happen. I've gotta do my part.





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