I'm Ready for Fertility Treatments Again
Figuring Out My Thyroid
Clomid Cycle #1
Clomid Cycle #2
Clomid Cycle #3
We used up all 3 cycles' worth of my leftover Clomid stash in a last ditch effort to get pregnant on our own. I didn't really expect anything to happen. Not after trying Clomid for so long a few years ago with no luck. And not after 10 years of trying in general. Surprisingly I actually ovulated all 3 times (I think), but of course no pregnancy. I've wondered if my body even knows what pregnancy is! I was joking with my dad (of all people) about Zay & I trying to have a baby and I said, "I've never even been a little pregnant!" Ha ha ha. He laughed and was like, "That's not how it works - you either are or aren't." I know, I know. Just sayin'!
I'm in a really good mood about trying to conceive this time around. All the grieving I've had to do has been adoption-related, not babymakin' related. I decided that the pain of rejection added onto everything else with adoption is worse than trying to get pregnant and being disappointed with each failed cycle. I made it through these 3 cycles pretty easily. And I'm really thinking that I can hang in there as long as it takes. It's just science, right? And statistics. Science and statistics. We can figure this out.
And I'm gonna be okay. Because my fate is no longer in anyone else's hands.
I was grateful I didn't even think I ovulated last cycle, because I didn't suffer through the two-week wait. My period just showed up and I was like, "Well, hey there! Didn't expect you!" and I didn't have to sit around waiting to see if I was pregnant. It was over before I had time to stress.
When I was trying to decide which reproductive endocrinologist to see, I came across the cutest little videos on Youtube of this couple (from Utah! woot! woot!) who documented their TTC journey through videos. They used the fertility center I ended up deciding to make an appointment with. They really cracked me up because they reminded me so much of the typical BYU-Utah-Mormon couple. So fun and adorable. They have a ton of videos and I seriously watched them all over the course of a few weeks, but here's one at the "end" of their journey (go back and watch some of the other ones, they're so cute!):
Ellie and Jared:
Anyway, I got super antsy leading up to this appointment! I'm just so ready and so excited to really give ourselves a good chance at getting pregnant and figuring out all the ins and outs of my body and what its dang problem is (lol). I dreaded all things fertility-related 5 years ago. Dreaded it. Hated it. This time it feels completely different. I'm optimistic and patient (let's see how long I can keep that up!)... It feels like now is the time, now is MY TIME. We were supposed to adopt. Now we're supposed to make a baby. I can feel it. It's gonna take a lot of time, effort, and persistence, but it's going to work. It has to. Let's do this!!!
Well, we had our consultation yesterday! Yay!
We got to talk about the 10 years of trying to conceive and summing up all that we've tried, all the symptoms, all the diagnoses, all the medications, tests, etc. Just spilled it all out there.
She wanted to confirm the PCOS diagnosis, so we did an ultrasound (transvaginal... that was interesting) and she said my ovaries were definitely polycystic and were definitely not gearing up for ovulation on their own, of course (the appointment was on Cycle Day 19 and my ovaries were just sitting there like, "Uhhhh - are we supposed to be doing something?") She confirmed a thought that I had that it was possible that I have never actually ovulated, despite being on Clomid, despite positive OPKs, despite getting my period approximately 2 weeks after I thought I ovulated. All that could still happen and still not actually release an egg.
That's not bad news really. It would just explain why I've never, ever gotten pregnant. But my ovaries look great (such a compliment! lol) and it's just a matter of forcing me to ovulate, which they can do... and monitor to make sure it's happening. So, whether I've ovulated EVER in the last 10 years or not is no big deal at this point, completely irrelevant. They'll make it happen.
They took my blood and are running tests to see how my thyroid is doing and all the other hormones that need to be checked on. And Zay gets to do the oh-so-fun semen analysis in the next couple weeks. I got a prescription for medroxyprogesterone (Provera) to force me to start my cycle again.
Funny story - when I was filling out all the New Patient information before our appointment, it asked what countries our families were from. I wrote "United States" at first, but then I thought, "Do they mean our ancestry? For specific genetic testing or something?" So I put "England" for me and "Zambia, Africa" for Zay. And I thought it was a weird question, but I forgot about it. Then when we were in the room right after the ultrasound, the doctor said to Zay out of the blue, "So you're from Africa?" I looked up at her so quickly. I was all taken aback. Who says that to a black guy? And then it dawned on me that it was what I wrote on the dang paper and I laughed and saved him from answering and said, "His grandfather is from there." And she was like, "Oh - do you ever go back?" And I was dying laughing on the inside. She seriously just asked a black guy about "going back to Africa." I tried so hard to keep from laughing until I cried. Zay looked confused and was like, "What? I've never been there." It was so unintentionally awkward on her part and I felt bad that I was turning all red and tears were coming out of my eyes as I fought the giggles. I just could NOT handle it! Ha ha ha. Very weird interchange.
|My "African"... lol|
ANYWAY!!! Ha ha. In a few weeks we should have all the tests back and I should start my period. When Cycle Day 1 gets here I'll call and schedule another appointment to come in. They will run dye through my fallopian tubes to make sure they aren't physically blocked with anything. By then we'll know if anything else needs to be done before IUI #1 and we'll go over that then. Like adjusting my thyroid meds or anything like that. Gotta get everything ready first to optimize the chances that the insemination will work. So, I'm all, "Take your time! Do it right!" This is gonna be fun. :)
Next fertility post: Prepping for IUI #1