|We are an interracial family hoping to adopt a child of any race, either gender.
Adopted once before and |
we have a very open adoption with our son's birth family. Would like a similar relationship
with our next child's birth family, if possible. :)
Dear Expectant Parents,Thank you so much for taking the time to consider adoption! This must be a really confusing and difficult time for you. We appreciate the steps you are taking to consider all your options, look at the big picture, and ultimately decide what’s best for both you and your baby. No one can make that huge decision but you, and that has to be a lot of weight on your shoulders! We know you must be very strong to have made it to this point in your decision-making, whether you feel very strong at this point or not. We also thank you for taking the time to read our profile. As a family hoping to adopt, we are grateful for the women who make the extremely difficult decision to place their baby for adoption (and the fathers who support them in that choice). Having adopted our son in 2011, we are very aware of the sacrifice it took and are forever grateful to his birth mama for her selflessness and determination to follow through with what she believed was best for her child, and for his birth father for recognizing that it was the right choice and supporting her decision. Adoption can be a truly selfless decision under the right circumstances.
A little bit about us: We’ve been a couple since 2001. We both grew up in Georgia and met when we were teenagers. We dated for 3 years, but we knew pretty much immediately that we wanted to get married eventually. Alice Anne grew up Christian and helped Xavier be baptized in 2003, while we were dating. We were married a year later in Atlanta and moved to Utah shortly after so that Alice Anne could attend BYU's business school. She received her Bachelor’s degree in Information Systems with a minor in Family Life. We adopted our son Kal-El in 2011 after 7 years of infertility. Now we’ve switched roles and Xavier is attending UVU with a major in Social Work. Alice Anne works full-time in finance. She also runs a small business out of our home as a hairstylist specializing in ethnic hair (cornrows, braids, weaves, and teaching basic black hair care skills). Xavier works part-time as a barber while he goes to school. He's the unofficial barber for many local athletes. He spent the first year of our son's life as a stay-at-home dad, but is excited to finally have the chance to get his education and career going. He hopes to work with teenagers and troubled youth who need positive role models and a little (or a lot of) direction in life. Most likely we will move back to the South to contribute in neighborhoods where we know the youth have the most need. We'd also like to become foster parents in a few years when we're done with school and settled into work and family life.
Alice Anne describing Xavier: He’s my teddy bear! He's protective, very loyal, and hardworking. He has a natural fatherly instinct. It is so exciting to see him as a father to our son – something he has wanted for so long. He’s talented at so many things. He’s an amazing barber, basketball player, music producer, cook, friend, leader, and teacher. I've loved serving with him, teaching the children in the Primary Sunday School class at Church. He knows how to talk to people, especially kids and teenagers, and has such a sweet soul and interesting perspective on life. He’s an artist and I absolutely love his drawings. He’s so creative! He’s intelligent and unique. He loves anything and everything Superman-related. His favorite movie is The Matrix. He loves Michael Jackson’s music and thinks he was a genius. In his down time, he likes to watch movies and play video games, but since becoming a father most of his time is spent teaching Kal how to play basketball and football. He’s so much fun to be around, an overall amazing man, and I’m lucky to call him my husband and the father of our son and our future children.
Xavier describing Alice Anne: She’s not just my wife, but she’s my best homie. I love that she’s cool with just relaxing at home and watching movies with me. She’s patient with me even when I’m hardheaded and she teaches me how to be spiritually strong. She’s optimistic, energetic, smart, and quirky. She's always laughing. She works hard, handles all the finances, and is very responsible. She loves to read, hike mountains, and push herself to be active and accomplish great things. She’s a down-to-earth country girl – my Georgia peach! Very empathetic and friendly. And I’m one lucky guy to share my life with her. I recognize that she's a blessing in my life and I don't know where I'd be without her. She's been an amazing mother, so fun and creative with how she spends her time with Kal. Sharing that responsibility with her has been life-changing. And I would absolutely love to do it all over again.
Together as a family, we like to stay active and educated. We like to exercise and play sports as well as attend cultural events in the community. We keep a weekly Date Night to stay connected and focused on the same goals and keep the romance alive. ;) We enjoy watching boxing, reading comic books, going to the gym, cooking some good Southern food, and staying up late talking or staring at the stars on summer nights. We like playing board games and cards with friends, or throwing BBQ's and inviting everyone over. We attend Church together and make personal progress goals. We spend a lot of time working together with hair clients and enjoy the friendships we've made with so many different people over the years as a hairstylist & barber. We like to surround Kal with positive influences and role models, especially those who look like him and can identify with being bi-racial. He's a silly, happy little boy and is so ready to be a big brother.
We’re excited for the opportunity adoption will give us to expand our family! Adoption changed our lives forever once before and we would be honored and humbled to accept another blessing into our family. We are more than willing to discuss an open adoption and we feel that a child cannot have too many people loving and caring for him/her. We would love for you to be a part of his/her life. Kal's birth family is so very important to us. Adoption for us means not only bringing a child into our family, but gaining an entire extended family as well. :) We have no preference for gender or race. Just whatever situation feels right.
We wish you all the best on this journey and we hope you can find what you're looking for! And that you can hold your head up high, knowing that whatever you end up deciding was a decision made out of love. If you are considering adoption as your answer, email us anytime if you have any questions or would like to talk to us more. We would be happy to point you to available counseling and resources so that you can make an informed decision and have the support you need.
*Xavier & Alice Anne*
Also find us on Adoptimist.com : www.adoptimist.com/xavier-alice-anne
Our adoption timeline:
|Feb 2009:||Requested info packet about adoption from LDSFS and attended an orientation meeting.|
|Nov 2009:||Seriously attended another orientation meeting to get paperwork started.|
|Feb 2010:||Stopped taking Fertility meds and decided Adoption was the way we were going to grow our family.|
|Summer 2010:||Struggled with the decision to adopt. Zay had a lot of worries about it not working out.|
|Oct 2010:||Finished all Adoption paperwork and approved to adopt!|
|Dec 2010:||Met Expectant Mom #1 in Utah. Baby girl, due in Feb. She needed time to decide whether adoption was the answer for her, but decided we were the ones if she decided to place.|
|Jan 2011:||Contacted by a caseworker in Georgia who said she was working with Expectant Mom #2, baby boy due Feb, who really wanted to meet us. Told her that we were waiting on Expectant Mom #1's decision and we needed to respect that. Expectant Mom #2 decided not to wait for us while we waited for Expectant Mom #1. Georgia caseworker called us up again and told us about Expectant Mom #3, baby boy due in Mar, and asked if we could fly out to meet her. Expectant Mom #1 gave us her blessing. We took off and met K. While we were sitting at her kitchen table, having so much fun talking and getting to know each other, an email popped up on my phone from Expectant Mom #4 back in Utah. She wanted us to be the parents of her baby boy, due in Mar. I was shocked. When we left K's house, I told Zay that we were just contacted by a girl in Utah and she seemed pretty dang serious about us. We flew back to wait on K's decision. Told Expectant Mom #4 that unless she was 1000000% dead set on us adopting her baby and wouldn't mind if we happened to adopt two babies at once, we would have to pass. HEARTBREAKING. She waited with us to see what K decided. End of Jan we were officially CHOSEN! Expectant Mom #4 was disappointed, but talked to me about other couples whose profiles she'd liked and I told her which one I thought she should pick. Her story turned out well, thankfully. :)|
|Mar 2011:||Adopted our baby boy! We flew out the day before his due date. He came 3 days after his due date. We slept at the hospital while K was recovering from an emergency C-section. Got to leave the hospital with baby Kal-El, stayed with family, visited with K and her family, and flew home about 10 days later.|
|Sep 2011:||Finalized Kal's adoption in court.|
|2011-2013:||Thoroughly enjoyed being new parents!!! Baby Kal stole our hearts.|
|Jan 2013:||Ready for a second baby. Finished adoption paperwork again and are approved!|
|Apr 2013:||Chosen! Baby boy due Jul in New Orleans. Expectant Mom #5 said she didn't need to meet us. She made sure about her decision to place with us before she even contacted us.|
|Jul 2013:||Failed adoption. Drove 27 hours to Louisiana, never heard from Expectant Mom #5 again. Didn't get to meet her or the baby. A few weeks later, CHOSEN by Expectant Mom #6 in Mississippi, unknown gender due Mar 2014. She was excited to get to know us and was respectful and understanding that we had just experienced a heartbreaking failed adoption.|
|Oct 2013:||Found out baby is a little girl! How exciting!|
|Dec 2013:||Plans to meet Expectant Mom #6 fell through because of the holidays.|
|Jan 2014:||2nd failed adoption. Baby girl was born 8 weeks early. Expectant Mom #6 told us not to travel, because she wasn't sure about what she wanted to do. She ultimately decided to parent after bonding with her baby girl in the NICU.|
|Feb - Mar 2014:||Struggled with whether or not to take down our adoption profile and no longer pursue domestic infant adoption. Sent Expectant Mom #6 a package of all the stuff we had gotten together for baby girl. Prayed hard... and decided to focus on fertility treatments, but keep the adoption door open. Got contacted by Expectant Mom #7 in Maryland. She eventually chose another family after about a month of talking to us and weighing her options. Adoption is HARD. It's been much harder the second time around, we're finding out.|
|Summer 2014:||Learned our adoption agency would no longer be doing adoptions at the end of the year. Started looking at other options. Found another agency we thought we'd like to work with and began paperwork to make the switch at the end of the year.|
|Fall 2014:||Waited out our agency to see if anything will happen before they close their doors to adoptions. Slowly felt out other options, updated our homestudy, gathered pictures, saved money, and browsed through random adoption situations on adoption sharing sites just in case something caught my eye.|
|Nov 2014:||Responded to a situation I saw posted on an adoption sharing site (and weirdly, it was posted to a blog that I follow too). One thing led to another and we're officially CHOSEN by Expectant Mom #8 in Kansas, using an agency I wouldn't have ever considered working with had it not been for this situation standing out to me. Baby girl due in Feb!|
|Dec 2014:||Found out baby girl is actually - whoops - a boy!|
|Feb 2015:||Brought home Baby Boy #2!!!! Can't believe how smoothly it went (kept waiting for something bad to happen)! Such a beautiful experience. I got to be in the delivery room with birthmama S as we welcomed our baby Shakir into the world as his mothers.|
For expectant parents considering adoption / birthparents:
- A birthmother's perspective: The Happiest Sad
- To the Pregnant Woman without Options: Choose Life
- Is it a sin to place my baby for adoption?
- Adoptimist: Connecting Expectant Mothers and Adoptive Parents
- LDS Family Services: Browse Hopeful Adoptive Couples
- Birth Mom Buds: Counseling for Birthmoms & Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption
- Government Resources for Single Pregnant Moms (not adoption-related)
For prospective adoptive couples / families who've adopted:
- Adopting Without Debt
- Online Courses for Adoptive Parents
- Is Adoption Right For Us?
- Want to adopt domestically? Here's the first steps.
- Domestic Adoption Ethics
- Adopting Transracially
- Examining (International) Adoption Ethics Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3
- Robyn's Adoption Land (Domestic Adoption Reform)
- Wall Map of Adoption Ethics Part 1 and Part 2
- Adoptive Families Magazine
- Adoption.com: Massive Resource on all Types of Adoption
- Open Adoption Support
- Unexpected Feelings
- PACT: Adopting Children of Color
- Parents For Ethical Adoption Reform
- Adoption Books
- Closed Adoptions and "Sealed" Original Birth Certificates
- Post-Adoption Depression
- Healing After An Adoption
- Learn More About Adopting From Foster Care
- Foster Care vs. Domestic Infant Adoption
- Birth Father Rights
- An Adoption Scam Story
- Don't Get Scammed
- Twelve Signs That An Adoption Match May Fail
- Why Does Adoption Cost So Much Money?
- Adopting Black Babies is Less Expensive (ouch)
- Books and Films about Adoption
What a failed adoption looks like:
Creating Your Child's Lifebook:
For Adoptees Searching for Their Roots - DNA Testing:
How to be Supportive of a Friend Trying to Adopt: